-love-

2012-01-30T22:57:00.001+08:00

How time flies. Tomorrow is my first day at a new school. Nanyang Junior College. A new start, a new beginning. I have no idea who will be there from Coral and I have no idea who is my classmates or new clique. I will be looking forward.

I got what I want. A new school with little familiar faces. But I felt lost at the same time. What if, what if, what if. Many what ifs question appearing in my head. Yes, a new start. I wanna start afresh, with a new personality and a new attitude.

I will learn to be smart and not do silly things, or enter some silly competition. I had my fair share of being judge in Coral. I had enough. But I had fun too.

It’s not like I dislike Coral. In fact, after everything, I’m still glad that I was from Coral. Yes, they might have the worse school song, the weirdest school rules and ugliest colours for the buildings but I met my best friends and best clique there. There were betrayals, there were mockery, and there were many bitches. So? It’s because of all this, I grew up. I learn how to protect and defend myself. Everyone does things for a reason. I forced myself to prove them wrong. And I did. I left the bitches behind.

Tomorrow at nanyang jc, who will I meet? ^^

2012-01-21T00:59:00.002+08:00

快三个月了。偶尔还会想起你。但是已经不重要了。。。

谢谢你这些年来的暧昧。

我也该往前走了。我们不会再见面了。。。

我醒了，发现全都是梦。

2011-10-25T23:16:00.002+08:00

我好怀念这些日子。有一年了吗？好快。看到这些仅有的照片，我是多么的充满对不起和感谢。是这些人和回忆充实了我中学的生涯，也是这些人和回忆让我学到事实的残酷。有些事情我不想去想，但是可以吗？我生日的时候被你们玩，那时是真的还是假的？那时回到家，妈还笑着提醒说，最好是玩耍，不是报酬哦。现在想一想，我真的不知道。但是我真的喊开心，很感动。真的谢谢。是我最高兴的一次。遇难时，留下来的是朋友。谢谢你们让我看清楚你们不是。虽然过程中残忍了些。但是谢谢至少我开心过。痛苦的回忆就像你把我们的合照删了一样。虽然不痛苦了，但是很怀念。如果再让我选，对不起，我不会再跳进火坑。这样的痛苦承受一次都嫌多了。我心痛了，朋友不是多就好，有几个是真心的？我害怕再被出卖。这就是人生吧，多么的黑暗。难道追求梦想那么难，交割真心的朋友那么难。谢谢，我知道了。有时不知道真的是福。我们还可以是朋友。戴着面具又如何？至少痛可以减少，分期的痛。突如其来，我慌了。你们之间有太多的秘密。我不知道。真的很恐怖，真的很可怕。我告诉你们的话，还是秘密吗？算了，过去就算了。至少有一段是那么的美好，好到我不敢去多想，害怕发现其实它没有那么好。

花了半小时写了这段字。好浪费时间哦。反正又没人看、没人管、没人知道。

最后，谢谢你、对不起、我爱你　朋友们。将来让我们继续用着面具。至少不会再受伤，不会再痛。。。我知道我只能相信自己。现在我睡不着，我感伤，能对谁说？又有谁愿意听呢？

Ｏｌｅｖｅｌ　也让我看清认识自私的。　

2011-10-13T20:08:00.007+08:00

11 more days to 0 levels.

32 more days to end of o levels.

study break started! hwaiting!

my source of energy.

2011-10-12T23:39:00.000+08:00

沒有以前的感覺了，可是沒有尷尬。

我也不知道你是否在暗示什麽。

就這樣吧，好朋友吧。很好。

說真的，有想念以前，畢竟三年叻。

今晚，我很高興。因爲我們是朋友。

晚安，我的好朋友。

사랑해요김희철기다릴게김희철 ♥

2011-09-02T15:54:00.003+08:00

My space big star enlisted in the army ytd. T_T

He’s an inspiration to all of those who are different. He showed us that different isn’t bad. Perhaps that is an obvious moral… but one that most of us rarely see in action.

I loved him because he loved himself. They say that you can’t expect others to love you until you accept you yourself as a person. Heechul loves himself according to every aspect, some take that as selfish and boastful… but we take it as just, well, Heechul.

Heechul loves those around him so much that he just doesn’t know how to express it. He’s bright and gregarious, he’s outgoing and different. There’s only one of him in this world, and that’s why we love him so much. Heenim makes the stage feel so full, he’s a star. A shining star.

But there’s always a time where you have to approach the next stage in life, no matter how much you would like to avoid it. After weeks and months of debating over whether or not he should enlist, Heechul decided to join the military and return to the Super Junior dorms as a public service personnel. Long story short—Heenim will not be performing on stage for 23 months.

Heechul isn’t doing this to hurt us. The last thing he wants is for Everlasting Friends to sob their hearts out. That’s why he told us that we didn’t have to wait for him, because he knew waiting would be painful. But of course many ELFs were hurt in the inside, and tears were definitely shed. This was probably the reailty no one wanted… Even for Heenim.

But what would have waiting done to improve the situation at all? To dread the end of Mr. Simple? Heechul didn’t want that. Goodbye stages aren’t about being dreaded for. They’re the grand finale of everything an artist worked so hard to make special. And what hurt more was how he would probably be the reason for it. So for the team and for us and for himself, Kim Heechul decided to enlist on September 1. Besides… The earlier he went, the earlier he would come back. Instead of being afraid he wanted to be the man he knew he was and act before he thought of anything else.

All I wanted to say was that Kim Heechul—You inspired me to be me. I’m not afraid anymore. Along with so many others you have made me smile with your wit and neverending happiness. I remember… I remember those words, “이놈아. 모르는 척 하지마. 나 너 무서워?” I can’t explain. I used to be so afraid of you but I really admired you after that. You’re such a wonderful person, Heechul. I love myself more because of you and the rest of Super Junior.

Thank you was all I wanted to say. Thank you.

사랑해요 김희철 우유빛깔 김희철

Heenim, Stay healthy. Go and comeback quickly! I will wait for you, no matter what.

Just treat this as a break. A break where you can become the Kim Hee Chul that doesn't belong to ELF and Petals; But the Kim Hee Chul that can do anything he likes and say anything he wants. This two years, you don't have to care about the media, don't have to care much about your image. You don't have to bite your tongue so much just to stay awake or be pretty even if you're in pain. In this 2 years, we will save up alot to wait for your grand comeback.

You 're serving the nation, a duty that every man has to do. It's part and parcel of life, ELF and Petals understand. Don't tell us not to wait for you, cause you know it's impossible. We are not called EverLastingFriends for nothing. And What is a Petals without its' flower? We go hand in hand, till the very end.

2 years is nothing as compared to what we have went through together. All the accidents and incidents, be it a happy one or sad. Those are the memories that will keeps me going for the next 2 years. Thank you for bringing me laughter, thank you for bringing me tears. Thank you for teaching me to have confidence, to be brave, and to be ME.

Now, you really have to go, although i will be sad. But i will hold back my tears and send you off. You're leaving for a good cause, and i know you will be back stronger and better. Hwaiting!

B1A4 ♥ BANA

2011-08-10T11:29:00.004+08:00

“Why do you think the leaves fall off?”
“The trees let them go.”
“Why do you think the trees do that?”
“Because they have received enough love in their allotted time.”
“They received love?”
“That’s why they’re red. Red with passion and love.”
“But why must the trees let them go?”
“So the trees can begin to love another. Another leaf will replace the one that is lost.”

O.K ! LETS FLY B1A4!
Awesome! Fanmeeting and Showcase!
the fanservice, daebak!

I'M EXPERIENCING THE AFTER EFFECT NOW.
Really worth it, 3 consecutive days of running around and screaming.
they really look very big and tall and handsome!

CNUUU!

FANMEETING:

ALL DID HEARTSHAPE TO MEEE~
Baro said i love you ~ Sandeul said 고마워 ~ Gongshan did 2 different hearts ~ Jinyoung shake with 2 hands~ CNU SMILE ONLY. (SHY AH?)
eye contact with jinyoung and he waved at me, when i was still queuing up!

SHOWCASE:

heartbroken lah, never call my seat number. Jealous~
but still CNU looked and waved to me. Must be cause of that fanboard! haha.
they all waved at me, us? hahah! same lah!
Only one, Jinyoung seems to be singing to me, can! perfect view, right infront of him. (i was standing up, heehee)

when they leaving Suntec, CNU smiled at me, i was this close to him, very close. He offered his hand to me, i grab. then jasmine heard him say, "ohmygod" oops! then i ran after him lah. he smile at me again. the place was in a chaos, then i kind of touched his back! OMG. i know.

[haha, suddenly remember! jasmine seduced the security guard! LOL. ]

i took fancam! but the file so big, its take almost 2 hours plus for each videos to be uploaded!

my whole head now is still CNU OPPA, CNU OPPA. OPPA OPPA OPPA!

fancam to be uploaded in full soon~
more photos at my facebook.

2011-07-26T18:01:00.005+08:00

最近一直听到 “两年后如果还是这样就好了” 、“明年生日还会在一起吗？” 类似的话。虽然口头上说着，一定可以、当然、这还用说吗。但是我们心里都知道、都明白，真的还会是这样吗？和小学的同学，还有几个到现在还是感情很好？没几个吧。就是说嘛。那我们明年还会是这样吗？所以，我会比以前更加珍惜现在还在一起的每一天。。。好的回忆，不好的回忆，都会是我最甜的回忆。。。

i tried one school for DSA. Apparently, i got rejected. i expected it. but i just couldn't handle this rejection. i have no courage and face to return back to band. i don't wish and wanna play my instrument again. ): i know. this is crazy. A student conductor that is now afraid of entering the band room and facing the band people. A bass clarinetist that is now afraid of playing and touching a bass clarinet. A member who is so committed to the band is now afraid of going to band. what the hell. i'm really afraid of what the future is going to be...

i just got to work hard and throw my results slip on Mr Ong face. I'm gonna photocopy a hundred copies of my result slip and super glue it on Mr Ong 's car. thats it. I'm gonna do this.

thoughts

2011-07-17T18:04:00.003+08:00

i thought a lot this few days.

I saw this somewhere. it kind of enlighten me.

A teacher was annoyed by how his student stares at the clock during lesson. He, then, wrote something below the clock.
TIME WILL PASS, BUT WILL YOU?

it left me thinking. yes, the time is going pass really quickly. Before i knew it, July is already ending. Prelims are nearing. Time is passing, but am i passing ? No, pass is not even a correct word use here. Am i scoring? Am i prepared? IDK. But I'm tired alr, i have no more mental stamina to hardcore study anymore. I'm worried.

My tuition teacher said this to our class today.

Happiness is Success.
OR
Success is happiness.

i have no idea. Many may argue Happiness is Success. You need to be happy to do something, in order to go far and succeed. But happy doesn't really lead to success. Neither Succeed will lead to happiness. k, what am i talking about. It seems like a trick question. But at least for now, I'm not happy. I'm working to success blindly.

----------------------------------------------------------------

On a lighter note, SJ is coming back! 5jib. Return of the superior! ♥
Sorrysorry, its our time again!
Lets keep calm and wait for AUGUST.

And i got B1A4 's showcase ticket and meet&greet!
In August! *cant wait*

August will be such a busy month with all the comebacks and stuff, not forgetting PRELIMS!

2011-07-10T14:11:00.002+08:00

Happy 28/29th birthday to you, My Space Big Star.

I never imagined you being my bias now. When you were first introduced to me by my friend, I hated you but i wasn't an anti. I really didn’t like you especially when i saw those videos where you’ve kissed so many guys and was often pair up with my bias hankyung. But amazingly , you got all my attention and became my bias. My Ultimate Bias. I started going crazy about you and every little thing that you do. You’re the main reason why my studies deteriorated and my wallet empty. But I have never regretted being an everlasting friends, petals, bluebabies and star!

HAPPY 28/29TH BIRTHDAY, OPPA! <3

사 랑 해 ♥

Senior Farewell.

2011-06-24T16:50:00.004+08:00

[c]: Jeleen

How times flies, its my farewell alr! super touched by what our juniors did.
and was shocked that Ameerah , Jasmine and Edith did something for me too.
hahah! i will miss Bevin , Rachel , Xueyi , Hannah, Jinxuan. ♥

k, im overwhelm with emotions now. ahh. (':

)':

2011-06-07T00:56:00.004+08:00

在安静、不眠的夜里，感到空虚是正常的对吧？
我到底怎么了？已经不是一两次了。
做功课，做到一半，就开始胡思乱想。
原来我还有那么多的眼泪阿？

也都是偏偏这种时候，听的歌都是悲伤情歌。
也都是偏偏这种时候，知道的事情每一件好事。

我睡不着，怎么办？

2011-05-28T15:31:00.003+08:00

THE REAL BATTLE IS STARTING SOON!
MONDAY 30/5/11 .
OLEVELS CHINESE.

Im afraid. Stress. But i just couldnt start studying.
paper 1, please be mercy! (:

Im not confident at all now.
With the midyear results and report book.,
it suck to the max. and im no longer top few!

A week of intensive Chinese,
instead of getting better, im doubting myself!
i just realised how lousy i am in chinese! T.T

ALL THE BEST, HWAITING~

YEOBO(S)!

2011-05-06T23:06:00.006+08:00

Xinyi &Yuyun & Jiaen ,

又是很简单得过了这一天，但是今天特别的是毓云的生日。
虽然很遗憾的跟考试相撞，真的没有太多时间准备。
要做笔记都来不及了，哪来的时间作卡片？
我的美术又是超‘好’的，没七八天是不可能做得好的。
所以，就在这祝福吧。生日快乐，我爱你。签名照，考完试再铺给。

今天，虽然很短，虽然很累，但是我们享受着。
不知多久没有那么像今天一样聚在一起，闹啊、笑啊。
虽然，今天的event,不是说真的很顺利啦。
但是我知道你有感动到。对吧，对吧？
这次的主题是温馨。我希望这会让你毕生难忘。
我没说错吧，你会比以前更爱我们。

好啦，说真的，我真的很感谢你们。在我开心、不开心时，都在我身边。
我们三个的友情不会只是停留在那宝蓝里，不会在限制在SJ的世界里。
很高兴你们来到这世界，很高兴你们介绍那13只给我。
都说是ELF，那我们就是永远了。。。永远不离不弃。

终於一段时间 对著什麼样的画面
喜怒哀乐全写在日记里面
发现 每一页全都是 经典
所有的故事都值得纪念

现实的考验 我们说好一起面对
不管多久多远绝对不喊累
期待 一次的美好的阴天
我们说好谁也不放弃谁

手牵著手 肩靠肩 风吹过的海边
雨水下过的季节 让我好想念

我们之间 不会有改变
相同的庆典 一瞬间 变成了乐园

我们之间 转了一大圈
相同的终点 会发现
所有的心愿 会实现

今天，我觉得我们变得更亲近了，不是吗？
我希望我们永远都谁是那么的快乐、幸福。。。
虽然今年我们要毕业了，但是我相信我们的友情不会跟着毕业。
就让我们带着微笑一起走未来的十年、二十年、三十年。。。
让我们约定好，五十年后的今天，我们还会在一起。
说着我们的孩子、孙子的事。到那时候，我们还要一起fangirl。。。

本来想要在这POST很多照片。
但是仔细想想，又没有什么很glam的照片。那就算了吧。
可能我们朝夕相对的，没有想过会分离，因此也不会拍照作纪念。
还是等Jiaen的照片，让后再PO上来咯。

好啦，晚安。我爱你。记得到我梦里来噢！哈哈。

2011-05-03T17:11:00.002+08:00

不要认为我行，不要认为我会。
背着第一名的荣誉，我都呼吸不过来了。
难道我就不能不行吗？
这些不必要的压力，我真得厌倦了。
第一名，现在对我来说是种奢望。
它，是多么的遥远。
不要说风凉话，不要给与鼓励。
那只能默默的却狠狠的一刀下去。
朋友的关心此刻变得好讽刺。

就让我静一静，失败一会儿。　
就让我慢慢找回原来的推动力。　
只是怕没有时间而已。

我要出国，放松。
第一名，这一次，应该是凶多吉少。　
下一次，再接再厉吧。　

2011-04-30T19:34:00.001+08:00

I JUST CANT SEE MYSELF STUDYING FOR THR NEXT 2 WEEKS.

Hankyung “In the future, don’t use your parents’ money to buy my stuff, don’t skip class to welcome me at the airport, there’s no need for that, I hope all of you can focus on your studies!”

HOW AM I GONNA FOCUS ON MY STUDIES WHEN YOU AND YOUR 12 OTHERS BROTHERS ARE DISTRACTING ME!

2011-04-26T22:34:00.008+08:00

EXAMS COMING, AND I HAVE FALLEN FOR
ANOTHER BOYBAND AGAIN.
B1A4.
they super cute, can!
Ah, history gonna repeat.
Sec 3 midyear, i got into Suju.
Sec 4 midyear, i got into B1A4.
haiyo.

SJ♥

2011-04-23T13:15:00.001+08:00

A YEAR AGO, I STARTED TO PROM15E, 13ELIEVE, 10VE AND PROT3CT. ♥

the three photos that i used to learn to recognise them at first. (:

UP TILL NOW, I STILL 13ELIEVES THAT THERE WOULD BE A DAY WHERE SUJU WILL BE 13 AGAIN. I waiting for that day where they will be onstage, one row from Leeteuk to Kyuhyun. (:

4 years ago...

2011-04-19T21:33:00.000+08:00

On this very day, four years ago…

He could have taken him if He wanted to but this kid is a fighter.He fought for his life, battling with death which resulted in him winning the battle and having a second chance in life. He braved through his traumatic accident, he insisted on participating for the 2nd album despite being not fully healed yet; he proved to everyone that he was strong enough to pull through and he proved to everyone that he deserves that second chance in life.

Look at him now - his rosy cheeks, almost non-existence jaw line, bright round eyes, pink luscious lips, long and pretty fingers, his (sexy) acne scars and God, that voice… he is like an angel walking on earth.

This kid means so much to me that it hurts at times - it hurts because there will never be a chance for me to tell him how much he means to me, how much I admire his strength or thank him for everything.

I believe he’s my guardian angel sent from above to protect my fading smile and guard my heart from any hurt or pain.

It’s amazing how someone who doesn’t even know about my existence can mean so much to me. Yes, he is important to me as delusional or crazy I may sound. People can call me crazy, delusional, out of my mind or shameless for all I care; they haven’t been through what I did and they don’t know the little things Kyuhyun have done for the past years to make me this happy right now.

Thank you God for giving this kid a second chance in life. Thank You.

Cho Kyuhyun, you make me the happiest girl in the world even without having to be by my side phsycially and for that, I love you.

Cr:tumblr

Is it really okay?

2011-04-13T21:10:00.003+08:00

Ignoring those comments wasn't easy, really.
It's hard to ignore when the actions are so obvious.

School, today, seems so long, and everything seems to be aimed at us.
i dont know why, maybe we are being too sensitive.

Just when i thought that my tears are dried for crying the whole night.
Morning assembly was just too much for me to handle.
Perhaps i wasn't really as strong as i thought i would be.
I overestimated myself.

It took him like almost forever to announce that "Silver" word out.
My heart was aching like crazy alr. and he had to add on with what.
"When the lights are dim, the curtains are drawn and the last note is played..."
It was just a mental torture, even though i know he meant well.

Even though they are just joking, but the word "loser", really hurts me alot.
So what we got a silver? We aren't losers. Cause we are from CORAL CONCERT BAND.

And please think before you talk. Its' not our fault. So shut up.
I was really hurt by what he said. I was already holding back my tears.
I was really glad that Ms Tham was there to shoot back at him.
Go and Die, seriously. Agrh.

And thankyou friends for being there when i broke down in school today.

Napfa really cheered me up, alot.
Nothing really happy happened during Napfa.
But all of us just found something to laugh at, something to aim for.
For the first time, i enjoyed Napfa.♥

Listening to our recordings now...
I could still that pain. My heart's gonna explode. ..

Band No. 135

2011-04-12T22:09:00.003+08:00

12 APRIL 2011.
Tears and disappointment.

" Band Number 135. Coral Secondary School. Silver. "

Yeah, thats our medal after working hard for 2 years.
I kind of expected it, but i wasn't prepared for it.
I was still having that little hope that we could still have a chance to get gold.

My heart aches so much.
Its years of efforts. I felt that i have let my seniors down. ):

I promised to be strong and not to cry.
But i just couldn't take it anymore. Being strong isn't easy.

Even if I cry myself to sleep now , tmr wont be 12April again...
its 4 and a half hours since the result was announced. ):

My heart still aches.

few more days.

2011-04-07T21:02:00.004+08:00

我突然很害怕。我害怕一些我根本不可以、不能怕的事。SYF。
I never felt so scared before for any competition.
Everything was so natural until now. Im afraid, really afraid.
This time, i have no one to rely on or hide underneath.
However im not alone. But still, im the one leading now.
I feel so 空虛. But what can i do now?

Its only 5 more days, or effectively 4 more days to that big day.
Today's results out. However, it's so not encouraging!
Time is running out! I feel so not prepared.

Band no. 135, Please. GOLD!

I suddenly thought of what Ms tan and Ms Tham said to us.
It's so true. I still wanna come back and visit the band after i stepped down.
I dont want to, no face, and not come back. I LOVE THE BAND.

I dont want to let my seniors down.

Gosh, i feel like crying now.
But Jewel said, " Leave the tears to next tuesday, where it will be tears of joy. "
I hope, i really want that tears.

I want that person to announce on that day,
" Band Number 135. Coral Secondary School, " paused. "GOLD!"
Just like the way they announced 2 years ago. Even now,
" Band Number 75. Coral Secondary School," paused. "Gold. "
That sentence never fails to make my hair stand, and i feel like crying.
That feeling that we felt 2 years ago would never be forgotten.
and i want it again. But this time to be "Band No. 135" .

But im not as confident as before.
And the results for the past 4 days of SYF isn't that encouraging either.
The band before us is also, OMG. how?

3 more band prac left.
JIAYOUUU. HWAITING~

WE CAN DO IT!

SIGMA! ♥

2011-04-03T19:30:00.003+08:00

SIGMA SIGMA SIGMA SIGMA SIGMA SIGMA SIGMA SIGMA SIGMA SIGMA

周定緯；李杰宇；林維哲 ♥

定緯 :
I shouted his name when i was at the first row alr.
He looked at me, smiled and waved! *melts*
Up on stage, gave him that! His shocked and ohmygod face~
OMG, I CANT BELIEVE IM SO CLOSE TO HIM EHHH~~
His hand's damn warm and niceee~
ohmygod, im feel so biased now. haha!
Then while they walking to the carpark alr.
jewel and i did big heart shape!
judychou did back to us~~~ OMGGGG.

杰宇 :
He SMILED to meee! He is so freaking cuteee lah!
i said i love you to him and he replied back i love you with finger heart shape! :D
OMGGGGG~

維哲 :
SMILED only. ): you should do MORE fan service to ME! :(

Anyway,
OMG, OMG, OMG! ♥ Their hands so warm and niceee~

Went to the carpark entrance, waited.
What the heck lah, a big rubbish dump's there!
but who cares ahh! haha!

SAW THEM AGAIN! ♥ Did finger heart shape to them.
They smiled and waved back.

THEY'RE AWESOMEEEE~

我喜欢

2011-03-26T21:59:00.001+08:00

我喜欢风铃，因为它可以让我听见风的声音。
我喜欢小雨，因为在雨中我可以尽情的哭泣。
我喜欢阳光，因为它可以赶走黑暗。
我喜欢烟火，因为可以把黑暗照亮，虽然那只是一瞬间。　
我喜欢静静地听朋友对我诉说他们的故事，因为那会让我觉得他们重视是我的。
我喜欢狗，因为它是人类的好朋友。
我喜欢海，因为它是多么的辽阔。
我喜欢蓝天，因为它是自由的。
我喜欢结局凄美的爱情电影，因为它会让我留下深刻的印象。
我喜欢看言情小说，因为我可以陪盼着男女主角谈恋爱。
我喜欢听歌，因为可以在歌词里寻找到有我的故事。
我喜欢文字，因为他可以表到我所想的。
我喜欢在深夜人静时写作，因为那个时候的脑袋最为清醒。
我喜欢现在朋友们开心的聚会，因为那将是以后最美好的回忆。。。

Malaysia Trip ; ♥

2011-03-20T14:31:00.005+08:00

I'm back and i ♥ Malaysia! :D
SK, KwangHwa, PinHwa ♥

Ok, im freaking tired! Just woke up, oops!

They're awesome people! Never forgets them~
K, thats the end of my last KL trip as a member of Coral Concert Band.
I hope i have the time to join them again.
I miss everyone in Malaysia esp Onion ♥ .
Heh, 我们有缘再见吧！
Singapore and Malaysia, so near! Can de la~

(Lazy update details, next time ah)

I GO FANGIRL LE, BYE.

2011-03-16T22:46:00.004+08:00

Thanks Mother for ruining my mood to go KL tmr!
You're awesome, really. -.-

I have totally no mood to go KL now.
Even the night before i leave, she stills picks on me so much.
Great, awesome. What else can i say? Agrh.

I just cant wait for the next 3days!
TOTAL FREEDOM, maybe. At least my ears will be happier.

How times flies. It has been 2years since the last KL trip.
k, anyway, still looking forward. It will be a fruitful one, i hope.

K, bye.

oh, and i hope i can meet SuJu.
K, im being crazy, the possibility is near 0.
But yeah. So near yet so far!
On the same land, same state, but we couldn't meet.
Awww. Daydreaming...

Feelings change, memories dont.

2011-03-11T20:24:00.013+08:00

在宝蓝世界里，我有13位永恒不变的朋友。
在现实世界里，我有几位真的能称得上“朋友”的朋友？

我厌倦着世界。人不再单纯，而是是多么的复杂和阴险。
这世界少了信任、少了爱、少了一份真诚。我不想在猜测、我不想再怀疑。

朋友，这简单的两个字，其实真的没有想象中来得简单。
我对朋友，这两个字，开始变陌生了。我感到害怕。他们，还是朋友吗？

我后愧增经是那么的信任你们、那么觉得有你们多好。
我错了，完完全全的错了、还错的很离谱。真觉得自己好苯、好愚蠢。

我的心凉了。我的心死了。对你们，我不会再有任何的希望/期望了。
要作弄，随你们。要利用，随你们。我会奉陪到底。
因为这一刀，你们插得很深、很深。我也伤得很深、很深。。。

2011-03-04T21:30:00.006+08:00

Haven't blogged for almost half a month.
Okay, LIFE COULDN'T GET BETTER~ Ya right! You wish.
How optimistic to have this as my alarm ring tone so as to hear this every morning.

First thing first, SJM IS BACKK~ .
Too Perfection ; Destiny ; My All is in You ; Off My Mind ; Love is Sweet ; True Love ♥
HWAITING~!

這城市夜晚鬧哄哄人潮像快轉的時鐘
這不是我要的感動廉價的妝都太濃
這感覺我不知怎麼形容
街道上閃爍的霓虹就像是短暫的笑容
能不能給我一分鐘安安靜靜跟妳溝通
親愛的我真的跟他們不同

Recently, I don't feel realistic. I'm like living behind a mask. This feeling sucks, totally.

Actually, i know most of the things happening. I know what exactly almost what each and everyone is doing. But I just know, i couldn't ask why and what. What are they whispering? Often, this question pops out in my head. And then? Are they talking about me? Perhaps, are they talking about XXX? I wondered. But again, i knew i just had to keep quiet. Assumptions began to take place. I don't like people to keep secrets from me, at least not whisper in front of me. And i just hate it when someone keeps me in suspense. Might as well don't even hint me or prompt me at the first place. Therefore, i just had to turn a blind eye and deaf ear to everything. Acting blur, might be the options in this kind of scenarios, maybe. Ignorance is bliss. Maybe not knowing something, not knowing the truth, may not just be a bad thing. Whatever. I'm not guilty, my conscience is clear. The rest doesn't really matter, right? Yeah.

Sectionals today. Talked to the 4 sec1s.
And i realised Jaren & Natalie wanted to change instrument. I was shocked and asked Why. To my amazement, they, BOTH, wanted to play Bass Clarinet. One of them added, its looks cool and easy. I couldn't remembered who but one of them said that. Actually, his/her first choice is bass clarinet. But it was not given as a section choice. So he/she just put clarinet. He/she wanted to put bass clarinet as a first choice. K, awww, duhh. There is no such section called the Bass Clarinet section. I was like OHMYGOSHHH. Are they kidding me?! Two juniors wanting to play the bass clarinet. Out of so many years, i never heard or saw anyone volunteer and is willing to play the bass clarinet. Honestly speaking, I don't want to play the bass clarinet in the first place. But to my horror, bass clarinet is AWESOMEEE. hahah! Now, there is 2 juniors fighting for 1 bass clarinet spot! Woohoo~ I feel great! (: Heh.

A Brand New Start.

2011-02-19T21:42:00.011+08:00

“I think that’s one of the worst things to see. Seeing someone who has a smile on their face, but sadness in their eyes. Watching someone try to be so strong and pretending to be happy, but for what? Because they’re so insecure that they’re afraid no one cares? Is it something so bad that it could ruin a person? Because they don’t want anyone to know of their problems? Or is it just that they’re the type of person who’s been hurt so much that they know no one can help anyways? There could be a million different reasons that could hide behind two eyes, and the sad part is no one will probably ever really know.”

Home all alone today. Did some homework and thought a lot. I have no idea why we are like that now. As much as I wanted us to be united and together, something had to happen. As much as I wanted to ask why, I know I just could not ask and know. I tried to be the mediator, but failed. It really hurts to see us like that, ignoring/avoiding thing going on among us. You said nothing happened, I tried hard to believe, but things are getting a little too obvious. I'M NOT TAKING SIDES AND I'M NOT ASSUMING. At this point, I don’t want to know the reasons or stories. I just want the clique to patch up, the 8 of us. It’s the last year, our graduation year. I don’t want it to end like this. Even I and her could resolve our so many year conflict thing, I don’t understand why can’t we also. We gone through a year together and went through so much. Now, just because of some reason, we gonna break? Not worth, really.

And I can’t stop thinking about what he said to me. Haiz, in konghwa, Mdm Sharifah called my clique bitchy. In Coral, he said he was disappointed in me. Life is such a failure, huh. It is my first time to one to one talk with a teacher. Should I be excited or what? But I felt failure. I’m not going to disappoint him anymore. I’m not going to let criticisms and whatever affects me. I’m going to study and not fail my tests. I’m going to do him proud in my O levels. Just you wait, Cher, I will get 8 distinctions and the next coral scholar! And I will try DSA to get into a good JC where those immature idiots couldn’t get in. Yes. Since I have no goals/targets/dreams now, I shall get good results at least. Even though I’m not motivated now, I shall try hard to be disciplined and do my work.

Whatever it is, it will be a brand new start. I will start everything afresh and new. Friends, shall we? Put aside everything, and be friends again, k. I will be looking forward to it.

Happy Birthday~

2011-02-09T22:30:00.009+08:00

Your favorite band isn’t your favorite just because of the music. Yes, that has a huge part, but it’s also their personalities. It’s that finding out they’re not coming to your city ruins your week. If you’ve seen them live, you can name all the dates by heart. It’s the fact that their videos can make you smile with tears streaming down you face. You can make fun of them like you would with your best friend. You do things, such as mowing the lawn, just to buy a show ticket, a CD, a shirt, a DVD. You fall in love with their personalities. You cry because you’re so proud of them. You defend them with your life. For some people, they’ve saved their lives. You love their crew as you love the band. They’re the reason why you know some of your best friends.

FEB 3, Happy Birthday Kyuhyun!

Feb9, Happy Birthday Hankyung!

Today is a special day. Today is the birthday of a Chinese prince named Hangeng. Today is another day that you can proudly yell to the sky that you have lived. Another precious year. You have a family that loves you, and a group of brothers back in Korea and many fans that adore you and wish only the best.Keep that wonderful and addicting smile. Continue doing what you love. Continue fulfilling your wishes and making the best of what you have. Today is your birthday and I’m wishing you the best. I wish that you’re able to spend any other day with a smile on your face and being proud of who you are. Happy birthday Han Geng! ♥

Feb 10,
What hurts us only make us stronger. How true!
No matter what happened now, i wont be sad longer than awhile.
Today, i never felt so innocent before and i was blamed again. What the hell. I was laughing among my own group of friends, and i was accused of laughing at them? huh? No link! A group of us playing, but something happens, the person to be blamed will be me again. Ya right. Oh well, nevermind. Forget it.

对人不对事，就是你的作风。做贼心虚，是你的人生。

anyway, on a happier note! Min and Hyuk is joining SJm! Heh. (: Leaving all the old people Korea! tsktsk! hahah! and i heard Heechul twitted Happy Birthday to Hankyung, but deleted it after a min! (: and Heechul called siwon on YS and said. its siwon AND HANKYUNGGGGGG birthday! OMG, I DONT KNOW HOW TRUE THIS ARE. BUT IT STILL OMGG! I shall just believe it and be happy, then believing its not true and be heartbroken! haha.

SUPER SHOW 3 SINGAPORE ♥

2011-01-30T16:59:00.010+08:00

Heenim! Couldn't you look one person behind that girl!

THAT LIGHT STICK ON HIS HAND IS MINE! ♥

I cant believe that i have attended SS3. It felt like a dream, it happened too fast. Too fast, before i can really feel it. If only time could paused, or perhaps slow down...

29 Jan 2011, a day i will never forget. I see almost everyone of them so close. I didn't expect somthing like this to happen. Kyuhyun Oppa~ I actually touched him! And he smell so nice. :P But seriously! He took my lightstick, he took my lightstick, he took my lightstick! OHMYGOD. If only he returned it to me... hahah. ^^

I LOVE SUPER JUNIOR.

Leeteuk was so close to me. Almost touched him. Had a less than a second eye contact. But better than nothing, right?! :D
Heechul sang to a girl, right infront of me. Asshole. I was so close to touch him. ♥
Yesung, he should come to our area. ):
Shindong , Siwon, Donghae, Ryeowook, Sungmin was less than a metre away from me! Shindong looked really handsome, and i really meant handsome. Donghae was ohmygosh. Siwon is as usual, hot. I saw Sungmin on the van too! He look so cute with that ponytail!
Eunhyuk splashed water at us. And i grabbed his beansprout, and played a little pull and push. (:
Kyuhyun. OHMYGOD. We had eye contact for awhile, and we kinda 五指紧扣。 ^^ i touch his wrist too~ AND HE FREAKINGLY TOOK MY LIGHTSTICKS! (He didnt return to me! And holds it all the way till the end, and pass it to another member. ) OMGGG! ♥

29 JAN.

I skipped flagday with Long and went to Swissotel to check it out. Nothing leh. So i went to paragon and find my piano teacher to get a book from her. Then, I saw The Heeren playing No Other MV on the big big screeen! I stood there for a long while.

About 1, I went to meet Jasmine. We ate lunch at Kallang Leisure Park. Then a lady sat beside us, talked to us. We couldn't make up what she was talking until she said Super Junior! Jasmine and I totally laughed out loud. We have no common language, and the only thing that we three understood was Super Junior! I think she is from Japan. Hahaa! And I have no idea how she know we are ELFs. Perhaps because I was wearing Sapphire Blue colored shirt.

About 2, we went to meet Long and Yy. We practically snatched and grabbed banners / cards / ring-torch for projects and stuffs. Seriously, it was hectic! Then we went to the backstage car park, waited. A van came in. AND I SAW SIWON'S BACKVIEW. After that, we went to find the blogshop people to get our light sticks and wallet. Then we went up to queue.

While queuing, we thought of ways to smuggle our camera / camcorder in. Hahaha! And we heard them rehearsing inside. We were all getting prepared and high. Ohh, we saw Ms Yina Tan. When we called her earlier, she said she was not coming to SS3 and was marking Geography Papers in a café at the Esplanade. But we caught her at the Stadium. Yes, she didn’t go for SS3. She came to look for us. Ya, what a good excuse to use! Hahah. Anyway, around 6.30, we were allowed in the stadium. None of our devices was caught! THE STAGE WAS SUPER SUPER CLOSE. I didn't expect it would be that close. Considering our row was Row 24.

The concert started! Screamed like no other people business. Opening was awesome. I couldn't remember what actually happened and the order of it happening, I was … All I knew was I ran down halfway through the concert. I SAW HEECHUL, he was walking in front of me. I screamed for him to stop and look, however, he didn't. But he was THAT close to me. Siwon too. During some song, Leeteuk came over. Our eyes met for a seconds. He's hot, totally! Then Eunhyuk came over to splash water at us. OMG. That water, instead of chilling us down, it made us even higher! Shindong, Siwon, Donghae, Ryeowook, Sungmin was just a meter away from me, but they didn't do anything to me. Aww. Shindong is so funny! He kept singing 世上只有妈妈好。I think he only know this chinese song ba. Hahaha!

Lady Hee changed 'her' hairstyle! And 'she' totally like a girl. So pretty lah! I love 'her' hair and those red high heels, hahah! I REALLY DID SAW LADY HEE, LIVE!
Henry's solo. He sang Baby, Justin Bieber. I hated that song, really. And I actually sang out loud the whole song with Henry. Henry's version is way better~ Zhoumi's solo. He sang 潇洒小姐. I was amazed by him! When Siwon's solo song was about to end, he asked Elfs if we want to go to the church with him tmr. OMG, SURE! Eunhyuk and Donghae, the NC16/M18 scene! hahah! I actually saw their abs, live! Not forgetting, Kyu's solo! 新不了情! I totally melted in his voice lah! Yesung's solo was the best! Elf sang the chorus of the song to him! So sweet lah. Aww.

The encore was the climax, was the best of the best. ♥
They ran around the stadium. While Cooking Cooking, Eunhyuk came over to our side. I grabbed his bean sprouts thing, and played a little pull and push. I should have hold on longer, so that he could have look at me.

Way for love! I'm so in love with this song now. During this song, Kyuhyun came over to our area. And that's when i was killed, killed by his actions. He let out his hands, for us to grab/touch. I held his hand. 我和他，五指紧扣，对望了几秒。It was O.M.G! He continued to stay there, then I tried to grab him again. This time, I held onto his wrist. My area had become so high! Then i was jumping and jumping, when i felt someone snatching my light stick from the top. It was Kyuhyun oppa! I stood there, comprehending what had just happened! I scream at the top of my lungs. And he posed for a photo with MY light stick. Not my camera, though. And he freakingly didn't return me MY light stick, but walked away with it. I thought he would throw it to some fans later. I waited and stared at him to the very end. He didn't give it to fans; he held it on his hand all the way to the ending and gave it to another member. But it was too far, I couldn't see who was the other member. But still OMGG!

The stage effect was so great. Some parts, I just stood there blankly. Cause I was too mesmerized by the performance. And I saw the Sapphire Blue Ocean. I’m part of it, and there is where I should belong.

It rained even heavier after the concert. But do we look like we cared? The four of us ran as fast as we could to the backstage car park! And I saw Sungmin, Shingdong and Leeteuk. :D I was totally drenched by then, from inside to outside. Hahaha!

BUT BECAUSE OF THAT IDIOT RAIN, MY PHONE GOT WET AND SPOILED !

I reached home almost 12midnight. Settled down and I went on twitter, and i saw superting18 twitted, "Everybody staying at parkway look down your window and see if they pass by" and "Btw they were at joochiat eating Korean food. Why not sg food? Lol~~"
FML! JOOCHIAT, YOU ARE NOT KIDDING ME? It’s like freaking walking distance away from my house. Parkway is just a few bus stops away, and I really don't mind running there. I regretted going home so early.

Anyway, the night ended so beautifully.

Ya~ what a great concert to pause my fandom for 10 freaking months~

more photos at Yy's facebook. Credits.

己所不欲，勿施于人。

2011-01-22T10:49:00.008+08:00

" Slow to tattle tell, but the fingers are speedy. You hear ballad from outside but from the inside its death metal. Holding a knife in your hand and starts attacking others on what they wrote. They can make someone into a devil and then a angel. "

I finally understand how heechul feels.

Yes, I was sad. But it's only for awhile.
WE ARE NOT AT FAULT,
WE HAVE NOTHING TO HIDE. :D

Facebook 's hot topic last night. Me. Aren't I supposed to be happy? I’m actually trending. Wthh! I thought I was immune to all this antis. But unfortunately, I’m not. This time, yy and long is involved too. Fck those antis! Seriously, we did nothing. All we did was to participate in an F&N super junior dance competition. 自家人！In situation like this, we even need to show the rest, we are united as one. And we are!

We are one, and nothing else matters.

Dearest Antis,
I don't know how we offended you all. Because of the voting thing? But seriously, it’s a democracy thing. So just face it. But this time round, the facebook thing is your revenge. Cyber bullying much? Didn’t you feel that, you all have gone a little too much? Agrh, you all are so immature. Yes, go spread. Go comment. Go criticize. Do I look I care? At least we dare to dance; at least we dare to participate in that contest. You? I doubt. You only know how to criticize and laugh. Antis, thank you for those insults and criticism. You let us know much we have to improve on, and you all can slowly fall into hell for all I care. And you have shown and proved how childish you all are to the world outside. Anyway, what hurts us will only make us stronger. So yeah, this is your game, which I gladly play along I think. I always believe that the good will always win, so let’s see this time…. Monday, I will go to school with a smile on my face. I'm not afraid even with you all laughing/snickering behind our back. Because we did nothing wrong and our Conscience isn't pricking.

朋友都说你太太太奇怪在背后把你当成笑笑笑话看
每一个动作都被瞎猜他们说你是个不能容忍的存在
你想要的很很很简单不过就是最普通的的的平凡
诚实做自己有时候很难但是请你勇敢的试一次看看
无论他们又说什麽闲言闲语无法伤害我
世界上只有一个我没人能代替的我
无论他们又做什麽小动作无法打败我
我知道自己是最美丽的 The most beautiful．　

Bii My Love， ♥

2011-01-17T23:09:00.010+08:00

IM SUPPOSED TO BE STUDYING NOW.
BUT! HE'S SO CUTE AND HOT RIGHTTT!
Bii♥ I LOVE HIS HAIR COLORRR~

The third week of school alr. How fast.

CCA orientation tmr. Hope we can get many sec1s this year. ! (:

k, i have nothing else to say now.

" 一起加入我的粉丝团一起按下这个赞
今晚爱怎么样就怎么样跟烟火冲浪
自己帮自己加一个赞自转自己的自转
我有我的地盘我的嚣张我选我自转我不管 "

-Playboyz 's Happy New Year这个赞

Hwaiting!

2011-01-12T19:33:00.006+08:00

燈光點亮千萬聲的呐喊布幕拉開了熱鬧的開場
沒有人知道我屏住了呼吸抑制緊張
誰都說這是他們的夢想在台上一分鍾也是奢望
沒有人相信今天晚上竟然換我上場

Olevels results released. Coral's scholar got 7 points. I'm stress, but who's not? I gonna work hard. I shall make Coral History. I will do my best, for my future and for ELFs. Who say being crazy in kpop will affect studies? I shall prove that wrong.

Ms Tham showed us an article. From F9 to A1. If those people could improve their English so much in two years. I can do it too, although i only left with ten months. They are my role models. I really have no idea how they find so much time to do 2 comprehension and 2 essays daily. But i will try, with weekly first. I hope this motivation and inspiration can last. LOL.

I'm brainwashing myself. Don't sleep in class. When die, I will have plenty of time to sleep. Study! Listen! Never settle for the second best. The first is the only thing I'm gonna aim and gotta get. Yes, its a matter of life and death.

Study is the my main focus now. Everyone, is a threat. I need to feel motivated. I need to study.

I'm ready for the marathon. Yes!

I'm just warming up for the long run. Hwaiting! The real race will start after SS3.♥

2011-01-04T18:04:00.007+08:00

I want attention, but I’m not an attention seeker. I don't want all attention to me, too. Weird? I just want enough attention to let everyone knows, I’m there. Maybe not all but majority. I don’t want to be an invisible man. This feeling sucks. Perhaps, I just don't like/want the limelight to be on you all the while.

FIRST DAY OF SCHOOOL. :D Not that bad. The worse has yet to come. Hwaiting!

Yesterdayy... CHECKEREDS ♥

By age! OMG, I CANT BELIEVE THAT IM THE MAKNAE HERE.

By Height! *cough* Yuyun, Renee and me have the same height. Sooo, I'm (We're) still the 2nd tallest.

Making a mess, in my room.

More photos at facebook.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

2011-01-01T20:13:00.015+08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAYY, SUNGMIN! ♥ 생일축하합니다!

SK exchange and concert's over. 2010's over too.

2011 shall gonna be another superb year, right? :D

SK exchange & concert was totally awesome.
In the morning on the concert day, Bevin's alto clar broke down. She cried, I panicked.
ITS A CURSE, TOTALLY. Luckily, it was okay after that.
I miss SK, and the bass clar guy. hahah. Kk, I just thinks that he is super niceee. But now, he's not. :( Think of a brighter side, maybe he is not much of a keyboard warrior (?), hence so quiet on facebook. Yeah, whatever. I shall wait patiently till march holidays to come. 10 more weeks! and then it will be the last time i will be seeing him already. He's going to step down next year, so am i. Haiz.

i took photos with him! ♥

Countdown.
The last day of the year was, once again, spent with Jewel, Rachel, Jinxuan.
( I shall see if next year, that two will still countdown with us. )
Anyway this year, we counted down together. ♥ Went to Marina to watch fireworks. The fireworks were breathtaking. But then again, it is my first time not counting down with my mother. :( Called her at 12midnight. When she said, i love you, i totally feel like crying. Anyway, stayover at Rachel's house. ANDAND I DID PHYSIC 3 CHAPTERS ON THE FIRST NIGHT OF 2011. After that, knockout even though we planned to gossips! hahah.
And my first 2011 dream was almost so perfect! I dreamt of super junior! ♥ They dancing outside my house. Then Donghae stared at me, and waved while dancing Bonamana. (13 people dancing!) Although the main character of this dream wasn't Heechul, I'm still sooo happy!

SUPER JUNIOR'S 13, no matter how you count. :D http://tieba.baidu.com/f?kz=949572974

More photos at facebook. :)

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

2010-12-25T21:56:00.008+08:00

又是圣诞节了。过几天，又新年了2011。

这一年过得很快、很快。真的是一转眼啊~ 中三的生活就要结束了。即将，中四了！会考啊~ 可怕啊！

我们来一起回想、反省吧。今年啊。我觉得我变了很多。变得很，我也不知道怎么说。就，真的可能是SJ的关系吧。最近和YY讨论过爱上SJ有什么好处。好处就是得到了推动力和耐心。为了他们，我们一定要怎样怎样。还有，我真的不知道我是怎么做到的！17个小时，排队，过夜。就像她说的 “爱上SJ后、有了什么改变? 我们变得更不要脸、脸皮厚、自我感觉良好、超不顾形像!” 。可这，也让我们开朗了很多不是吗？在不开心的时候，想想他们又会HIGH起来。我从来没有追星追成这样，根本没有心读书了。你看，我现在连假期作业都不想做了。早上一张开眼，就去开电脑。晚上，等到妈妈唠唠叨叨才没有办法的关掉电脑。这就是韩流、韩风的厉害啊！真的，我每天晚上睡觉前都会对自己说，时间不多了明天一定要做功课。但到最后还是用电脑。我好像变了很宅。很NoLife。

今年，我生活圈子变大了。认识了很多新朋友，猪朋狗友吧！不是吗？
我班上那几个就是猪朋狗友~ 真的。但是，感谢啦。如果不是他们，我看今年应该很难过吧。
YY, 谢谢你介绍SJ、kpop 给我。使我那么疯狂, 使我的成绩一落千丈。讽刺吧？哈哈。开玩笑啦。我没有后悔过爱上那13。哈哈，还有，谢谢你，倾听我的哭诉。爱你啦。
还有 LONG, CHEW, ANAS, RENEE, JIAEN, WANYI. 谢谢啦。你们让我在3/7感到很快乐。就，很庆幸我能在3/7，虽然我是express2 的。 SARANGHAE。
还有JEWEL, 谢谢你让我知道不管怎样你一直都在。这使我感到很踏实。就知道，不管我开心伤心，找你就对了啦！还有，我有一个问题想问你很久了，其实。。。我跟YY他们出去，你不会吃醋吗？呵呵。ILOVEYOU。
不能忘了，还有WAYNE, GERMAINE, JENICE. 是你们在我生增添了很多的欢乐。跟你们在一起，真的有时候，哭笑不得啊！哈哈。我爱你们。
最后，Juniors们，谢谢你。我爱你。很快，我就要走咯。。。
当然，还有很多的人。

今年是丰收的一年啦，得到了很多东西、学到了很多东西，也经历了很多喜怒哀乐酸甜苦辣。成长了许多。NBC , SIBF Silver. 我也得到了全年级第一。（虽然很多人都认为我不配，但是我会证明给你们看的。）StraightA1s, 差一点，就差英文。

明年，我希望能在进步，毕竟是会考。我答应，过了SS3，我会放下一切，努力读书。。。

还有3天，Qiaohui 就要回来了。三年！三年就这样过了。真的很快，还记得三年前的依依不舍。有几次还打长途电话。可，三年了。她变了多少，我变了多少。可能要等到见面的时候才知道吧。

2011年就要到了。 Happynewyear啦。

HANKYUNG OR HANGENG

2010-12-21T11:26:00.019+08:00

This day has to come; Hankyung won his lawsuit against SM Entertainment to void his contract. However, SM wants to appeal decision!

Congrats. Yes, I should be happy for him. He, finally, got his freedom. He got out of that monster's clutches. But does it also means that Super Junior won’t be 13 again?! I don't know. I’m placing my last hope on the New Year show in Hunan, which claims that Super Junior and Hankyung will be on stage together. But there is rumour that it’s was only publicity, it’s not true.

Hankyung, Come Back ah~

Saw this somewhere ...
As E.L.Fs we shouldn’t need an piece of paper saying that HanGeng is part of SuperJunior because we all made a promise, to believe, to love and to protect, all 15 members. So as long as we believe in our hearts, HanGeng is, was and always will be part of Super Junior.So I’m happy for him.

韩庚 's Weibo. "我知道你们一直都在。"

Yes, 我们一直都在。 I shouldn't be selfish; Your happiness is all ELF can ever wish for.We'll continue to support you always!

┣SuJr13┫101208★感动★爱上Super Junior，我们究竟变了多

LET ME WIN; LET HIM WIN.

2010-12-20T22:40:00.000+08:00

SO MEANING / TOUCHING...

TMR, IS HANKYUNG FINAL VERDICT. WILL HE WIN? OR WILL THE DISGUSTING SM WIN? Should i be happy, if he wins?　I dont know. Selfish fans, are like that. Yeah, see how lah, tmr.

*click to enlarge*

k, IM DESPERATE TO WIN CONTESTS.

Spam called Yes933 just now, like she had killed my parents or own me $1million. That YES933, please let me call through.

And that F&N, please let me win that lucky draw thing.

TheHeeren also, let me win.

我疯了，我不知道会做出什么事情。*EVILLAUGH*

All i want for Christmas is SS3 ticket to the 2nd night & the 13 to be back again...

SORRY SORRY, SJ.

2010-12-10T07:34:00.020+08:00

I feel guilty. I feel sorry that SUPER JUNIOR didn't win the Daesang Award.
They wanted that award. They have worked hard for it. And Elf ~~tried~~ did their best.
THEY DESERVED THAT AWARD.

Heartbroken. Super Junior cried, ELF cried.

Seeing them twit / CY updates, my heart hurt more. its not like trending #sorrysuperjunior will help ease the pain.

Heechul In this moment, when you feel upset and hurt, time is passing by~ Since it's already past, let's prepare to meet the new morning tomorrow. Congratulations on receiving Daesang, SNSD~All our members, the staffs and E.L.F.s, you did well. It's not like we are going to quit this year. Let's be cool and plan the future go go.

[c]: & Others: http://hanamikaoru.wordpress.com/2010/12/10/super-junior-after-golden-disk-awards/

Im Sorry.

Other than saying sorry, i really dont know what to say.

Fck that GDA for making Heechul cry. :(

This award, Leeteuk wanted before they enter the army. We failed to give him.

That Daesang Disk should have belongs to Super Junior.

Oh, i saw this.
████████金唱片，ELF为什么要愤怒（纯数据贴）██████ <- Click
Seriously, GDA go and die.

Anyway,
Lets Be Cool, as what Heenim said.
Move on, SJ & ELF will come back stronger next year.

This is the Heechul i love. My heart hurt so much.

Prom15e to 13elieve and 10ve...

FIFTEEEEEN !

2010-11-26T23:06:00.003+08:00

THERE IS REASONS WHY I LOVE THEM SO MUCH.

thankyou people for making my 15th birthday so memorable!

25NOV. Kbox-ed with Rachel, Jiaen, Jewel. Fun, awesome. But Kbox is so ex now~

26NOV. Although its belated, it still ♥ . thankyou for the dinner and flour-and-water attack!
Seaweed soup! ♥ Choco pie cake!♥

I SHALL KEEP THIS SHORT & SIMPLE.

go facebook to see all the photos & videos!
haiz, all photos super unglam. Either is i full of flour, or is i just bathe.
no nice photo! haiz. nevermind, its a once in a lifetime? or maybe at least once a year.

LASTLY, THANKYOU EVERYONE FOR THE PRESENTSSSSS.♥

SS3.

2010-11-21T14:49:00.004+08:00

17 hours of queuing, worth it. ♥

Know what, i queued for 17 hours to get SS3 tickets.
I just find myself awesome for doing that. 17 hours!
I was 118th person to queue at The Heeren.

We got area T04. Row 24.
Although we couldn't get Area A04, To3 is not bad too...

NOW I CANT WAIT FOR JAN29 TO COME!

IM BACK ♥

2010-11-15T19:12:00.006+08:00

我回來了，終于。

SINGAPORE IS STILL THE BEST!

Now, i have alot of catching up to do.
Dramas, news, gossips, kpop...

I reached Beijing in the evening. The first thing I reached the airport, I saw hankyung’s poster. Fangirl-ed awhile despite being very tired. hahah. AND Hotel breakfast was horrible. And pimple outbreak! I never had so much pimples on my face before. The air there wasn’t that good after all.

Great Wall~ ok, I chose the steeper route that leads to higher peak. ACHIEVEMENT. I climbed to the 3rd or 4th hut, I cant rmb. Most gave up at the 2nd. The great wall wasn’t that easy, the steps were as high as to my knees! We, literally, climbed up. Oh, I shouted “Super Junior” at the top. ♥

Oh, went to Tianjin and lunch was hotpot. It was so ’ fabulous’ that everyone seek refugee at the nearest Mac. Bullet train backed to Beijing. Then had Singaporean style dinner, as the tour guide knows we didn't enjoy the lunch. And i totally embarrassed myself there!

Mother: (joking) Try the rice, its Songhe.
Me: what the hell. (eat rice)
Lady: Why are you eating plain rice?
Me: I lazy take food.
Guy: Trying the rice, see if its Songhe ah?
Me: No lah.
Mother: Its not Songhe, it Anpeina.
Everyone laughed.

No hot guys on the trip. Only one guy who is of the same age as me, but not that hot. Ohoh, i met a 50+year old grandmother who is crazy over 2pm. Enjoyed fangirling with her. hahaha. She damn funny ah! And another grandmother who went there thought that the triplets is me, my sister, and my mother. WTH. Ok, this made my mother so happy for the whole trip. OMG, do i look that old? like wth, seriously.

I reached Singapore this morning. Then, went to surprise the band people. <3

♥ 13elieve

2010-11-06T22:36:00.003+08:00

GOING OVERSEAS~

CHINA.

WILL BE BACK ON 15NOV.

MISS ME~

BYE.

---------------------------------------

NOV 6. ♥

happy anniversary, super junior! 5th year~

theory exam in the morning.
ok lah, can get merit lah.
distinction, if im lucky enough.

did CIP today. fun!
SAPPHIRE BLUE BALLOONS♥
ok, we released the balloons after everything too.
that was awesome.

went out to eat dinner.
coincidentally, its 13 people outing.
13 people outing on nov6. ♥
what a nice number and nice day too~.
gossip alot, alot. i felt we are more bonded now. :D

SUPER JUNIOR, FIGHTING!

到不了的幸福。。。

2010-11-01T21:31:00.006+08:00

" 我只是想證明，
我可以當一個資優的好學生，
也可以當一個頂尖的壞學生. "

資優的好學生/頂尖的坏學生。我兩個都相當，而且我相信我做得到。
如果有一天，我真的變成了這樣，是因爲我受不了了。那時候，要回頭也可能太遲了。
我 ‘ 渡 ’不過，把我變成石頭，我也能做些什麽？我真的累了，不想再吵了。

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

i cut my hair. it turns out alright, i guess.

the flash is irritating.

ahhh, i dont know what to say ah. just wanna end this with something more happy.
but i really got nothing to say. aiya, bye lah.

LZX's 好朋友 keep replaying in my mind~.

你说我比较像你的好朋友
只是不小心拥抱着
你道歉你难过
于是我给你笑容
谁在乎我的心还会不会寂寞

FIRST.

2010-10-28T23:04:00.006+08:00

Like they said; getting is easy, maintaining it will difficult.

I GOT BACK MY RESULTS.

This post will be quite a quite long as compared to others. :D

TODAY IS AWESOME, AND I WENT CRAZY. :D

I GOT STRAIGHT A1 except for English.
English, i will conquer you one day. Just you wait.
I got C5 for it, i just need one more mark to get B4.
The report slip will look so much nicer if English was a B.
The C ruined everything. Agrh. Just one more mark!

I NEED TO IMPROVE MY ENGLISH.
It is because of English, my L1R5 only 10.
Thank you, English. You are the best.

TOP IN LEVEL. Finally, its my turn. I waited so long for this.
I didn't expected to get first in class/level this time.
So i wasn't really prepared. And it came too sudden too.
Ms Phang told us when we were wrapping the presents.
I wasn't even listening to her talking, until i heard my name.
I was shocked. It took me quite sometime before i reacted.

The after effects were ohmygod. I ran around the school.
I told every teacher/students/friends that walked past me.
No, i should say i ran over to every living things with two legs.
As expected, everyone said that my English pulled me down.
Yes, i know. But my English is improving! Slowly, though.
I ran until i was so tired, until the whole world knows about it...

This is the first time, and it won't be the last time.
I will work harder. After all, the ultimate goal is O levels.
Which is more or less a year away; 365 more days away.

THANKYOU TEACHERS, I LOVE YOU!

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

Oh, Bii Story if finally out in stores in Singapore.
I will buy it tmr~ Can't wait.

Plus, I'm going for Learning @ Work.
Mid December, Can't wait too~
I was so glad that it didn't clash with anything!

Gosh, I'm going to cut my hair tmr, short.
You're welcome, Jewel. hahah.
I super will miss my long hair.
I never cut short hair ever since Pri 1.
I wonder how long will it take for my hair to grow back...

:D Good Night.

ＯＮＣＥ　Ａ　ＢＡＳＳ　ＣＬＡＲＩＮＥＴＩＳＴ，　ＡＬＷＡＹＳ　Ａ　ＢＡＳＳ　ＣＬＡＲＩＮＥＴＩＳＴ～

2010-10-25T21:46:00.005+08:00

i will miss my 'shadow'.

this is just too shocking for me to handle.
i have never thought something like this would happen.

well, i shall not be selfish.
在怎么舍不得，还是要放手，还是得面对现实。

super sad now, howhow?　
what should i do now?
how should i break the news to her?

gah, does that mean that im alone once again?

gosh, i will totally miss her.　♥
i going to step down soon,
maybe just left a few more months.
but i wasn't prepared to be separated so fast.
she is like my buddy buddy for so long,
she is under me for so long.
真的很舍不得～

OHMYGOD.

" 到了明天你就离开我身边
到了明天独自向流星许愿
像一场电影的完结篇
我们的结局应验泪水的预言
碎了一地的诺言拼凑不回的昨天
可我一直期待奇迹会出现 oh no~
而你离去身影却越来越远 "

RESULTS.

2010-10-19T22:00:00.014+08:00

I THINK I DID WELL!

yeah, im happy, at the moment. :D
i hope i can get my positions back.

im looking forward to get back report book, i guess.
hahah.

This is the difference when i studied, and when i dont. :D

Now, im super tired. Band resumes.
*yawn* jiayou!

"REPEAT UNTIL YOU DIE. "

IM FREE~

2010-10-16T23:13:00.009+08:00

EXAMS FINALLY OVER!

photos update lah. i lazy type anyway. (will be back to edit ah)
this is what took place before/during/after the exams period...

Hangeng's Autograph Session. Ahh, that seriously broke my heart!
For him, i actually went to his autograph session 2 days before the exams! Then guess what? He only will sign for one hour. The fanmeeting tickets holders got priority too. So in the end, my albums was not sign! Waste my time only lah! Haiyo! Anyway, its over.

(lazy find wire for the camera. next time ah)

Studied with YY and Chew at KFC.
Out of 3 times, only 2 were serious!

Kbox session with Jewel, then played at the playground.
Right in the middle of the exam period, friday! Ok, thats a very good way to relieve stress!
Yeah, wrote "Bii" on the sand! IM TOTAL CRAZY FOR HIM NOW. Bii ♥

Movie & Zoo after the exams!
Watched Child's Eye. Super scary lah. According to them, i screamt the loudest and they all screamed because of me. Well, its really scary ma! Held Yeobo's hand throughout the movie & Locked arms with YY.
Then Kbox-ed again with Yeobo, Long & YY.
Oh, we went to the ZOO too! Swam there also, hor? OMG.

------------------------------------------------------------------------

i think thats all ba...
Now exams are finally over, im starting to get worried for the results.
I put in much more hardwork and effort for his time compare to midyear.
But still, fangirl alot during the exam period...
Anyway, i hope i do well! Even though i really screwed up the chemistry & phyic paper 1, Emaths too. ..

" 在我轉身之後，你卻又抱著我
在放手以後，不再擁有，彼此的溫柔

在我轉身之後，你的淚不停流
雖然心很痛，卻只能說
分開以後，我就要遠走 "

Bii My Love ♥

2010-09-28T20:00:00.029+08:00

Bii，音發”畢”，看似單純地以姓為名，卻因為他矛盾的個性與成長的背景有了更深層意義。要認識Bii得先從他的故事開始講起，那是一個關於「聲音」找不到家、「聲音」迷了路的故事，我們叫它＂Bii story＂。

他成長韓國尋找認同，被人稱作「華僑」；
他前往中國尋找父親，被人稱作「老外」；
他來到台灣尋找音樂，被人稱作「韓國人」；

徘徊在兩種語言三種身份的矛盾中間，離鄉背井的失去、抵達、思鄉、漂流、懷舊、適應、歸屬，一直與環境衝突，在地理上與心理上的失落與錯置，他的世界幾乎沒有聲音，而唱歌是他唯一會表達自己的方式，然而在得與失之間，Bii迷了路，因為年少，曾經輕狂，花了四年的時光，Bii終於找到自己。

I’m Bii，兩個ii，都是我。
左邊的我哭了，右邊的會安慰我；
我願意聽，聽你的傷心；請聽我唱，唱我的孤寂。
然後我們知道，We will “Bii” fine.

You know, you know! Im totally crazy about him now. So now, expecting plunging results again? haiz. but, ISNT HE CUTE? HIS SONGS DAMN NICEEEE. Im super addicted to him now. ^^ ahh, so high now!

6Oct.Bii story is out! Listened to his songs already. Its AWESOMEEE! I cant wait for Singapore to have his album! i swear i cant get him out of my mind, even during exams. he is just freaking cute. just whats' wrong with him? aiyo. i want him come Singapore asap. i will be waiting patiently. ya right! How i wish i can chiong to taiwan now to attend his autograph session! hahha. its impossible. Bii Story ♥

8 Oct. Its finally friday. One more week to go. Jiayou. Ok, for at least now, i think i did well. At least well enough to convince myself that i tried my best.
张栋梁 "考試的同學們，加油！要冷靜的發揮所學喔！Good luck！^^ "
For that i will jiayou, and not get into holiday mood during the weekends. AH, AS IF.

6 OCT, Bii Story. 轉身之後.

" Rather than thinking about the people around you as your competitors, think of yourself as your own rival instead, and abandon the thoughts of wanting to beat the other people, carry yourself with confidence, and if you want to have a calm life, drop your pride and feelings of inferiority. " Professor Heechul ♥

Taking a break.

2010-09-11T19:50:00.005+08:00

我只想在此刻大声的Say No

痛痛快快放纵了自己Say No

哪怕用一身伤口换这一刻的放手

日复一日疲倦累积在胸口

躺下来感觉自己像石头没有什么能保留

哪里才算是一个出口

给我片刻的自由

I’m in the 韩庚 mood today. Listen to his song, watched his videos. Yes, I miss him. Hahha.

I’m taking a break from my homework now. I know I shouldn’t be taking a break now, when I still have mountains of work to do. Few more days to Term4.

Ok, term3 had gone in a flash. It’s going to be term4 soon. To get back my level position or not depends on this term. I hope I have the motivation to carry on and worked hard for end year exam. Progress report is a failure. I never got such results before. Totally disappointed in myself. But I doubt I got the motivation. Life just sucks now. Doing homework is enough to stress me and make me break down. I realized I’m not the last time know-it-all already. I lag behind so much till I’m afraid and shock already. Demoralized, what can I do?

Ok, it is time to go back to homework…
Yeah, there is still revision that I had not find time to start on. Haiz.

" Today you are standing like this. The goal that you are aiming for is just outside this window. You cant see it. But if you step a little forward, you can see and regain your target. Even though you don't see the goal you can feel it close at hands. That's why it is making you suffer from fatigue and fear. It would be stupid to give up now right? Especially when the goal is so close... Just because you cant see your goal easily now you're going to stop believing that it's there? " God Of Study.

FANCAM (:

2010-09-07T20:06:00.006+08:00

lets not count abt how many times he looked at us. its kinda hard, since the video is not taken in our direction, or maybe postion...

小鬼，黄鸿升 at 第16届《新加坡金曲奖2010》造势活动Part 1/2
0.22 后面的朋友 *waves*
4.13 *pointed at us*
4.42 *heartshape* omg.
5.50 DJ asked. "我很好奇,刚才小鬼做了一个动作是代表什么意思？”
小鬼 "阿，没有。因为她们跟我比爱心的动作” *point at us*
DJ “ohh. 他爱你，你也爱他。”
小鬼 “对对对对对对。。。”

小鬼，黄鸿升 at 第16届《新加坡金曲奖2010》造势活动Part 2/2
3.25 后面的朋友 *waves*
4.48 *waves*
4.52 *heartshape* omg
6.20 *waves*

[may contain errors]

I STILL VERY HIGH FROM THIS THING~♥

黄鸿升，我爱你！

小鬼！♥

2010-09-05T21:42:00.009+08:00

黄鸿升 & fun4乐团 ♥

I LOVE 小鬼 ~

ok, lets start from ytd.

黄鸿升 fun4 摇滚 Live 巡回音乐会

Honestly speaking, I was very angry and upset. Ok, we went there quite late because we waited for Jiaen to cut her hair and she say can bring us in front. In the end, only one person can go in front, which we gave the chance to Jojo since she was super angry. Then we were left to squeeze our way thru. We were standing very at the side! Alien didn’t even look at our direction! We weren’t high at all but were super jealous about Jojo. Jewel & I were close to tears. Finally! He saw us. He pointed at me, and looked into my eyes for a second. I was super happy; however the jealous was still there. We ended the event, not very happy. Haiz.
Oh, i forgot to mention! The concert is in a pub, so i went to pub. First time~ hahah. Cool.

Today!

Event at Imm!

We went there late again! Cause Jewel had tuition. Anyway, TODAY IS MY HAPPIEST DAY!

HE WAVED TO US!

HE POINTED AT US!

HE LOOKED AT US!

HE DID THE HEARTSHAPE THING TO US!

OMGOMG!

Not many people went today. Anyway, we decided to stand at the bench there cause since we were too short, we couldn’t see anything if we stand in front. So we stand at the bench there. Our side was empty, and we were standing at something high. We were pretty obvious, can attract a lot of attention! Hahah. He came out, and he shouted 后面的朋友。He is referring to us, he pointed at us and waved. We know it is us as there is no more 后面的朋友other than us! Then when he is singing, we tried to attract his attention. Screaming wouldn’t work as we were super behind. It would be a miracle if he can hear our screams. We did the heartshape thing then! We thought he didn’t see, as he had no response. Just when we were disappointed, he did the heartshape thing back to us! I’m like omg! I couldn’t believe he did that to us lah! I’m super happy~ After the song (搞砸了)，the DJ ask why he does that. He said something like this, must wait for fancam to be uploaded to know exactly what he is saying. 因为她们比那个爱心，所以我也做回去。I was too overwhelmed to hear what he is saying lah! Anyway, he pointed at us, again! This time, everyone, including the fans, turned and looked at us! hahah. We did the heartshape thing again for him. You know! He did the heartshape thing for US! It is for me and Jewel, and no one else. I am super super super super happy! This is not the end yet! Second song, he keep looking at us and waved to us. We keep waving back. Omg, I didn’t expect to get so much of his attention! Anyway, at the second song (地球上最浪漫的一首歌)，he did the heartshape thing again! This time, he do first leh. Ohmygod, I feel so happy that there was tears in my eyes. Today is my best day, happiest day!

HAPPY TEACHERS' DAY!

2010-09-01T22:20:00.003+08:00

HAPPY TEACHERS' DAY~ i love you all!

Yesterday, I went back to khs. Heartache ah. Its kinda really run down at the holding site. Its totally different and opposite from the khs that we know. A familiar stranger, I don’t like the feeling. The khs that we know is not supposed to be like that. I want my khs back. The one at Guillemard Road, the one big and grand, the one where I studied for 6 years…
Anyway, I feel old now, to see the small kids there, in the hall for assembly. Hahah.

After being chased out, Jewel and I went to Amelia’s new house! (As seen above) The scenery damn nice lah! She stayed on the 31 level. So high lah. Her house is damn nice too. The skygarden at the 50storey is so cool! Camwhore a lot! Ok, I found a conducive place to study!

Today, supposed to meet yy at 11. Then drag to 12. We spent a long time finding for a place to study. We went to tm and bedok library, super crowded. Ok, why are these people so hiong? Lol. In the end, we went to my grandmother house at bedok. Did nothing much. Spent most of the time talking and watching television. Kinda wasted a day. Haha!

雨后就会有彩虹

2010-08-27T23:19:00.003+08:00

雨后就会有彩虹。

I wanna see sunrise.

Just back to update blog.

Many things happened recently. Ok. I’m not as angry or disappointed now. But….

I WILL PROVE YOU ALL WRONG. MY BASS CLARINET WILL AND CAN SHINE. ONE DAY, I WILL MAKE SURE THAT MY BASS CLARINET SHINES MORE THAN YOUR INSTRUMENT. :D

Yes, im determined. Really lah, the bell now is half polished. ^^ I’m so proud of myself.. Just a little but more to have a polished bell! Somehow, the bell seems to be the easiest place to start polishing. Hahah. The satisfaction I get is something not normal people will know. The shiny surface doesn’t come like that, you know. It is seriously a great achievement. I put in so much hard work and effort.

Today, I had a few hours long talk with june chan! 我相通了很多事，也看开了很多事。突然觉得，心里没那么沉重，很轻松。开心~

Ok, now, I can concentrate and start studying and revision for end year exams.

ZDL's concert! ♥

2010-08-21T12:41:00.011+08:00

♥张栋梁。 He is super super cuteee~

so many people!♥

[c]: samsung.

I LOVE PINK!

i love my pink fan tee.

I LOVE NFC.

Hahah! Still damn high now.

Although yesterday rained, WE ROCK!

He is super cute. Yeah, I’m falling for him again after kpop-ing.

THE CONCERT IS AWESOME.

One hour past so fast! Encore! Hahah.

I MISS HIM NOW.

National Day 2010.

2010-08-09T10:29:00.005+08:00

PARAGON PERFORMANCE, FUN!

tired now, seriously.

thankyou those who came to support us.♥

i love these people. muacks.

more photo on fb.

I tried to be chill but you're so hot that i melted.

2010-07-30T22:06:00.005+08:00

I LOVE TODAY'S ASSEMBLY.
Mr Khong~ if only he could sing louder, hahah.

[aww, he is leaving next week. :'( ]

STARS was damn fun ah.
"Yobo, saranghae."
ohmygod, super embarrassed.
hahaha, but fun lah~

anyway,

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, SHOW LUO!

pic [c]:　Ｓｉｌｖｉａ．

对不起，我爱你。

2010-07-24T11:08:00.003+08:00

SIBF. We got silver. I screwed up my parts, :’( It wasn’t well done, I know. Silver, somehow we don’t really deserve it. However, I was really relieved to get a silver, after the endless mistake I made. This is a wake up call, I have waked up.

Ytd, parade rehearsal was without mx. You know, I kinda depends a lot on him. Now that, he is gone, I feel stress. Ahh, I didn’t know I was that fierce. I didn’t mean to nag. My heart just breaks to see you cry. Cheer up, girl! Jiayou! I love you.

Kay, im too tired to elaborate.

I FEELS SO GUILTY NOW.

碎了一地的诺言拼凑不回的昨天

2010-07-17T23:52:00.006+08:00

有人说：
生命给你什么而你接受了，
那就是幸福。
然而有很多人却无视于自己的天命，
拼了命去向外追求。
在人生道路上跑得气喘吁吁，
感觉幸福的终点好远好远。
其实，幸福就像狗尾巴。
当你兜了一圈又一圈，费尽心力企图抓住它。
它将永远跑在前头让你追。
但只要你放下追逐，只管往前走，
幸福的尾巴，就会永远跟着你。

I have not blog for days.

I’m super tired. I will be even more tired next week and all the way to August. Jolene, fighting!

Ok, had been kinda sad/depressed/emo over lots of things recently. I am lazy to elaborate.

SIBF in five, going to four, more days! Yes, SIBF is real soon already! Jiayou! Let’s us put in the best effort for it. I know we won’t get very good result, kinda for sure, looking at our standard now. But I’m not giving up. I’m gonna put in my best, and at least I have no regrets on 22 july 2010. I hope this would be a day that I would want to remember and be proud of like 020409. Hwaiting!

After SIBF, then national day parade in school, paragon performance. Busy ah.

What I need most now, is sleeping.

Oh, on a lighter note, hangeng had his first solo concert today! Am I supposed to be happy for him? But somehow, I don’t feel good.

(edit: 190710, monday)

It is Monday now, 3 more days to SIBF. Ohmygod!

Ok, I saw those fancam on HanGeng’s concert. Nice! But it would it nicer if I see all 13 people on stage not just him. I miss seeing the 13 together. Anyway, SS3 in Singapore is in January! Heng ah! It would not clash with band camp or something. I wanna go, I wanna go! Hahaha! :D

Oh, Mr Khong brought some Korean notes for us. You know, it looks totally i-don’t-understand. Haha. Now, this make me want to learn Korean more! Anyone?

Jolene the Sotong.
*inside joke*

HEECHUL AH~~

2010-07-10T22:21:00.005+08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, ♥!

stay cute and happy! stay pretty and weird!
Be happy always, and i love you~~
(ps! i love your blonde hair too.)

SARANGHAEYO OPPA!

Milky White Skin Kim Heechul, Saranghaeyo Kim Heechul~

2010-07-01T19:45:00.004+08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, TEUK! ♥

I LOVE YOU~

I went shopping at tampines with Pabo, Cassandra and Xinyuan for the attire for nbc, white collar long sleeve and black skirt. We shopped for 3 hours, trying to find the cheapest one. Then in the end, we settled for the $29.90 shirt. You know, that’s the cheapest we can find le. But still so expensive lah, for clothes that I think I will only wear once. Hahah. Then the skirt, we see how tmr, should be getting the one at cotton on. Omg, I don’t wear skirt. So to me, its kinda waste of money. Hahah.

My leg are now very tired. Duhh.

School is ultra boring today.

Yippee. Tmr sectional’s gna be fun! *wink*
So people, look forward to it, kay!

OMG, tmr will be the third band practice without hanchul.
ohya, ytd, went westwood, and i brought eunhae there. <3 hahah.

Hanchul is my bass clar; Eunhae is Bevin's bass clar.
You know, I don’t practice democracy. I shall name it. Even though Bevin wth-ed me, when I tell her. But who cares? Hahah. Hanchul & Eunhae. Nice name right? haha.

hanchul, my bass clar.

2010-06-30T22:27:00.003+08:00

i miss my bass clarinet.

it has been 200+ hours since it falls.
(ok, its 202 hours and XX mins now. )

recently, i decided to name my bass clarinet hanchul.
and the Jupiter's to be eunhae.

i supposed I'm mad. gahh, but i really do miss hanchul, my bass clar.

i seriously, kinda, dont like the that guy one. its seriously more difficult to play, more resistance and the angle of the mouthpiece is different. i need to change my embouchure to play that, which i really don't like it. i played that thing for 2 days alr.

when is my bass clar coming back? it has been more than a week, 8 days to be exact. haiz.

心痛。。。

2010-06-22T19:57:00.001+08:00

Something happened to my bass clarinet again.

Hmm, panic, cry is only what I can do. I feel so useless, then. I was totally shocked. It fell off the table. Oh my god, how high is the table? Seriously, if no one touching it, it won’t fall that easily. It has been there for like almost half an hour. It couldn’t fall just like that. I don’t know what happened. I didn’t witness the thing happening! I’m not trying to pin point anyone. No one exactly knows what happen. Dixon only witnesses the falling of my bass clarinet. Now, it’s at windworks. AlthoughI know it is in good hands, but I still cant help but worried. It never had been fallen or damage that badly, I think. . I couldn’t play most of the notes. Its not screw problem but alignments problem. Haiz. I feel so saded now.

I feel so useless. This is the don’t know how many times that my bass clarinet is faulty. Just what’s wrong with me? I suck, man. :’(

RYEOWOOK!

2010-06-21T20:21:00.006+08:00

Saengil chukha hamnida
saengil chukha hamnida
sarang hanuen Wookie oppa
Saengil Chukha Hamnida!

RYEOWOOK OPPA~ SARANGHAE!
STAY CUTE!

i will be looking forward to SS3.

ok, cheer up! we will be always there for you.
http://www.facebook.com/editaccount.php?notifications#!/note.php?note_id=412331444757
I know, its kind of saddening to hear this kind of news on your birthday. Be strong!
im sure your grandma doesnt want you to be sad. cheer up! (:

LOVE YOU!

ok, idk what to say. hahah. will be back to edit this.

TELL ME THIS IS NOT TRUE.

2010-06-20T22:00:00.002+08:00

等到事情发生后才懂得珍惜，太迟了。

This week was so busy, but fun! I went out everyday! Hence, this totally explained why I had not completed my homework. I only did Emaths tys! An achievement eh~ But that is the only thing I did, though. I have just one more week to chiong all my homework. Kinda mission impossible~

Band starting tmr! This also means that it is the last week of June holidays already! So fast lah, there goes my holiday. Band, Band, Band.

its 2 more hours to RYEOWOOK'S BIRTHDAY~

OMGOMG. :'( haiz, im so saded now. hope this is not true~

[C]: http://omgsuperjunior.tumblr.com/post/718266791/sj-army-enlistment-schedule-released

Enlistment Years (by members)
Kangin: 2010-2012
Leeteuk, Heechul: 2011-2013
Yesung: 2012-2014
Shindong: 2013-2015
Sungmin, Donghae, Eunhyuk, Siwon: 2014-2016
Ryeowook, Kibum: 2015-2017
Kyuhyun: 2016-2018

Members Count (by years) (just take it that Kibum is not away cause of acting)
2010: Missing Kangin, 11 Members left
2011: Missing Kangin, Leeteuk, Heechul, 9 Members left
2012: Missing Leeteuk, Heechul, Yesung, 9 Members left
2013: Missing Yesung, Shindong, 10 Members left
2014: Missing Shindong, Sungmin, Donghae, Eunhyuk, Siwon, 7 Members left
2015: Missing Sungmin, Donghae, Eunhyuk, Siwon, Ryeowook, Kibum, 6 Members left
2016: Missing Ryeowook, Kibum, Kyuhyun, 9 Members left
2017: Missing Kyuhyun, 11 Members left
2018: FULL TEAM!!

Only 2018 will all of them gather as a group again. But after 8 years gap, will they still have as many fans? Not likely. Will SM still let them release an album? That’s a question. Maybe one as an experiment, which if their album sales are still high enough will possibly continue. But if not, this 4th album could be the last that we see of them together as Super Junior. Hopefully not though, especially with all the turmoils that they went through together since they debuted. I’ve got to say their road to being idols is much tougher than most, if not all, other groups that I have seen.

READ THE WHOLE THING AT HERE. :'(

슈퍼주니어 ~

2010-06-13T22:07:00.023+08:00

BONAMANA ♥
IT'S MINE NOW, FINALLY!
K, I BOUGHT BOTH VERSIONS.

I went to the novena there to collect them. Actually, we only ordered 3 Version A for me, Xinyi and Yuyun. Open them on the spot to check the photo card to see who we got, then maybe can trade them. It’s Heechul, and 2 of them are Shindong.

OK, I GOT MY HEECHUL~! DAMN HAPPY LAH. (:
But YY's Leeteuk and XY’s Ryeowook…

Anyway, I didn’t manage to trade them as almost everyone there got Shindong.
Then, I met 2 new friends there. They keep tempting me to get another Version A/B with them. They bought don't know how many albums already, yet they are still trying their luck.
So being not able to resist temptation, I bought Version B! Dragged XY to buy with me too. Hahah. (: Haiz, I'm so broke now.

You know what! I was shaking when I opened those albums. I very scared get Shindong again lah. I was feeling as nervous as I don’t know what. The friends I met there checked for me as I was really going insane then.

AND GUESS WHAT? BOTH OF US GOT RYEOWOOK.

I was practically screaming and closed to tears when I knew was Ryeowook.
( Even though I hoped for Sungmin. )

However that person gave me one less poster. Didn’t check on the spot cause I was really too high. Hahah. Emailed them, and waiting for a reply. This means I have to go back to the same place and go through the same torture of whether to buy or not! (: Sungmin ah. Should I?

SARANGHAEYO, SUPER JUNIOR~

SUJU ♥

2010-06-06T21:10:00.003+08:00

THEY IN SINGAPORE NOW!
BREATHE. BREATHE. ITS THE SAME AIR. HAHA.

ok, im being crazy. BUT i didnt get to see them.
so near yet so far. haiz. i really want to see them!

YAY! BUT SS3 IN SINGAPORE!
looking forward~~ wohoo! :D
THEY WILL BE BACK SOON~
omg. im so damn damn happy now.

跌倒了就很難再站起來。。。

2010-05-27T16:36:00.005+08:00

i just feel like tying in chinese.

TOP3不是我。我一時也不知道該怎麽反應。老師只公佈前三名。我只記得我的心跳得很快，手也抖得不停。其他的，我不記得了。我知道我這次沒有怎樣的努力過，沒有用心的去讀。但是我沒有想到連前三名都得不到。可這又能怪誰呢？現在，我只希望還能起碼得個TOP10. 但我怕希望越大，失望越大，絕望。。。我真的很后愧，但后愧了又怎樣？我覺得我真的沒有救了。最慘的是，我還要等五天，才會知道。。。五天，説長不長，說短不短。耐心地等吧。

byebye.

[edited]

4TH IN CLASS. 5TH IN LEVEL.

2010-05-20T23:08:00.001+08:00

I'm angry. I'm sad. I'm disappointed.

想痛哭一场。。。

hotness!

2010-05-14T23:30:00.004+08:00

OMG! SUNGMIN! HOTHOT!

isnt he hot and cute? omg.

EXAMS ARE FINALLY OVER! YAY! :D

2/9 lunch gathering today at changi airport t2 swensen!
only about half the class turns up.
but its better than nothing. :D

then kbox session with jewel, joelle and yuyun. HIGH~
ok, it was damn fun! awesome~~ :P
we went really high and crazy. cant stop laughing.

the sushi picnic was crazy too.

hahah, anyway, it was a great day today.
it feels so last day of school.
when its not, it is only last day of paper.

talking about paper, i think i cmi for science alr. haiz. so tough lah. ):

saded. uh, but nevermind. lets wait for the results!

(oh, ps! joelle and yuyun is evil! )

你的微笑是我們的信仰。

2010-05-12T22:58:00.003+08:00

this thing makes me wanna cry.
HANGENG! FIGHTING!

anyway, 2 more paper to go! yay! :D

actually, im alr in the party mood. so yeah!

SUPER JUNIOR ♥

hangeng (EDITED)

2010-05-01T16:44:00.011+08:00

hankyung. ♥
no matter what happen, we will be here for you.

my heart ache like siao when i read this too.
it really pains me to see things like how much hankyung suffers.

Hankyung, "No rest in 2 years.. From gastritis to kidney illness"
Hankyung, Super Junior's only Chinese member in the 13 member group, has filed a lawsuit against the effects of his exclusive contract with the defendant SM Entertainment because of their unfair activity scheduling which has caused him gastritis and kidney illness.

Through Hankyung's legal representative, the lawsuit to terminate his exclusive contract was filed on the 21st with the Seoul District Court.

According to the litigation, Hankyung has not even been given a single rest day per week after debut. It has been said, "Because of the recent continuous overseas activities etc, it has almost been 2 years since he last rested, he has been rushing schedules (all this while)." "Due to contract obligations and heavy penalties, even during bad health, he was not to skip any scheduled activities."

pls read more here or here.

heartbroken. :(

Jiayou, hankyung! no matter what, we will support you! GO! GO! GO!

its kind of saddening not to see hangyung in the next super junior's album. why?

this time, there is only 10. it isnt complete! i want the 13 people back.

haiz.

After the release of the 4th Album, we do not know what is going to happen. As all of you would know, Han Geng is terminating his contract with SM, Kang-In may still not be coming back, Ki-Bum is concentrating on his acting, and also, Lee-Teuk and Hee-Chul have met the time to get into the army. And followed by that, all Super Junior members will also have to get into the army consecutively (for about 2 years), which means we are not sure if there is another Album.

[c]: faceboook

ugh! im feel so saded now. ):

all thanks to PANG YU YUN. im in this state now.
keep telling me about SJ's stuff.
exams coming soon, and im now, currently crazying over SJ. ♥
i finished watching full house in one night.

ok, im gg back to my books.

stalin, here im come. you are so dead.
haahaha, history-ing now.
sianz lah.

I WILL BE BACK 2 WEEKS LATER.
gahh, that two weeks will be like hell to me.

I FEEL THE STRESS NOW.

2010-04-20T20:22:00.003+08:00

路人甲 ♥

EXAMS REALLY ROUND THE CORNER! :(

I feel the stress now. I gonna study now. But I just don’t get into the study mood. Partly, is because I have no time, ok, that was just an excuse. No time? Find time!

Yes, Jolene. It is just less than a month more to freedom. Hang in there! Don’t’ give up! It is less than 2 weeks to papers, excluding paper1s and oral. Oh my god, I know. Time is running out. I really need to study now. But i want to watch 初恋红豆冰！Ok, i shall find time to watch it. Since i can find time to watch movie, i can find time to study. Yes. Jiayou.

Enough of eating lunch after school with friends, it takes hours. I really need time to study hard. Home works and class test is flooding in. I still have a week of overdue work to do. Its time I clear them, and start revision!

Oh btw, I passed NAPFA, finally. Thanks Yaohui for running 2.4km with me~

And yes, it is time to go offline! Home work and revision time! Haiz.

2010-04-18T00:10:00.029+08:00

CRESCENDO 2 WAS AWESOME!

more photos at facebook. (:

Ok, CRESCENDO was :DD nice!

The hall was amazingly small, but that was quite a good thing. hahah.

In short, CRESCENDO 2 WAS AWESOME. ♥
Although tiring but worth it. :D Seriously, I think it was one of the best performance.

I never love deep purple as much as that day. (Ok, I admit I used to hate that song to the core.) hahaha. But now, I love that song. I love the choreography! It is so niceeee. :D

And I sat outside this time round. I think this is the second time I sat outside for a performance? Something like that .I was damn nervous and they cheated my feelings. What nonsense! Pitch black, cannot see audience? Can lor! hahha.

I WILL MISS THE SEC4S SO MUCH SO MUCH...
haiz. Can’t they don’t step down? hmm...
This feeling is much much worse than last year, somehow.

I just realized time flies so fast. Next year will be my turn, hahaha. Ok, last year Rachael left. This year, Mingxuan left. The left hand side, then the right hand side. Now left me, alone, in the middle. (Ok, still got Bevin.) But still, you know.

I MISS BAND.
Suddenly like nothing to do.

ONE BAND, ONE SOUND!

COUNTDOWN!

2010-04-07T18:43:00.003+08:00

wont be blogging.
need to mug alr! haiz.

OH. AND PLEASE SUPPORT THIS!
IT WILL BE OUT ON 15 APRIL IN CINEMA~

THOSE INTERESTED,CAN TEXT ME.

2010-04-06T23:35:00.001+08:00

HAIZ. LIFE HAS BEEN A FAILURE.

2nd April.

2010-04-02T23:14:00.002+08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, BEVIN!

its 2nd April today. one year ago...
"Band number 75. Coral Secondary School... GOLD."
hahaha. :DD

went to watch [HOW TO TRAIN YOUR DRAGON].
DAMN NICEE! toothless so cuteeee! hiccup~~ ohmygod.
the ending so touching! i cried.
that movie damn nice! one of the best movie i watched.
seriously, its a must watch lah!

its so touching. i love the ending.

CIRCUS!

2010-04-01T22:42:00.006+08:00

ohmygod! ohmygod! im so crazy over them now. hehee. :D

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LZOoTgbxanE
^does who are free, please watch this! damn funny.

我知道你们都在笑我。 :] nice!

ok, i love circus now! hehee. they are so cute. omgomg.

haven been blogging for more than a week. i have been so busy.

yeah. nothing to blog about nowadays.
everyday is the same old routine.
school. school. school. study. study. study. haiz.
i brought home all my books today! :DD

received my yearbook today! :)
however, unglam-ness! tsktsk!

ohoh! now we have lunch break! which is totally useless~
the lunch break was 2.15 to 2.45. school will ends at 3.30 now instead of 3.
the lunch break is the 2nd last period! so whats the use!!
the school is stupid. haiz. haha. they are crazy.

:D k, bye~

我做到了。

2010-03-22T20:17:00.004+08:00

終于，今年，　我不是坐在觀衆席了。

yipee. ok, i just knew i was the model student. im shocked seriously.
my first reaction was. wa! the teacher must be blind.
and at that moment, i totally forgot who is my form tcher last year.
apparently is ms anne and ms lee. :DD
ms lee used to say jewel is rude, jenice is ruder, jolene the rudest.
so somehow the model student thing shocked me, totally.

i dont feel as happy as i thought to be when i knew i going to receive 2 awards at prize giving. first in class and model student. :)

oh. second time! my sister, brother and me receiving awards tgt.
(the first one was graduation from kindergarten! & thats it)
apparently, my mother was happy and promised to go.
(like as if, she will come. tsk.)

anyway, I MISS 張棟梁 ALOT ALOT.
you know, been listening to his music while i chiong hw theese few days.
seriously, miss him. looking forward to him coming singapore again! :DD

oh yah! i moved. mr suyfan put me behind. omg, i dont like being there. so far behind. this means i have to wear my spec. and all the tall ppl blocking me. tsktsk!
oh. is a good thing as i have moved away from you-know-who. which is a very good thing. i cant stand him and her, seriously.

ugh! now i moved back, JiaLi shifted infront. tsktsk! cheat my feelings.
nehmind lah, i still got jojo and yuyun. :] still not that bad.
but sitting infront couldnt make me concentrate, sitting at the back will be... ...

okok. thats it. byebye~

伤了痛了懂了就能好了吗.

2010-03-19T21:40:00.006+08:00

習慣就好習慣就好我承認我的偽裝是真的不夠好

went kbox with jewel on thursday night. damn cheap eh. $8/person. damn cheap ar.
instead of singing, we were scolding the singers and ____.
we were so agitated cause of that idiotic MV.
idiot la! all the MV, go and dieee. made us so jealous.
kiss what kiss! hug what hug! cry what cry! bloodyyy.
so instead of singing, we spent half the time scolding.
k, nevermind.

went supper at mac. then trained home.
omgosh, we took the last train home.
last train eh, another record broken.
i reached home at 12 midnight. :]

i miss 张栋梁。 k, im random.

Band again today.

Full band, was fun! did the breathing ex. the bendind down one.
i just realised bevin, like me, also isnt that flexible. i cant touch my toeeee~~
and im like always pass by a cm for sit and reach. sad right? haha
also taught yan ning how to play graduation suite. that song is niceee.
yipee, i have learnt the fingerings for bari. YAY! but its damn confusing.

lunched at whitesands. subway's loved.
suddenly rained very very heavily. Bevin and June went value dollar to get poncho. MingXuan and HuiXiu bought umbrella that look so gay and auntie. but in the end, it was drizzling by the time we got out of whitesands. So we walked back to school. Bevin didnt even open her poncho. June look so cute in that Poncho. oh, and she bought the children's one.

Had Highlighters fight in the band room. Damn fun! Ran around, madly.
ok, my hand looks like i just kena caned/pinched and bevin's look like she kena abused.
all thanks to wayne. i want my revenge!

sectionals were boring, as usual.
Bevin and i had unlimited sms. so we sms-ed each other, even when we were sitting right beside each other. we were looking into each other phone when smsing. so were just so nothing better to do. hahah.

btw, dixon is sooo cute. love him to the max.

and i felt so retarded. i left my whole pencil case in the QM room.
saded! i have to wait till tuesday eh. :(
and tuesday, full dress rehearsal. sigh, i need to go dig my cupboard for that dress/stockings/blahblahblah.

haiz. i still have lots and lots of hw not done.
i must get it all done by tmr, i hope.

im gg to start countdown to MYE soon. haha.

我不讓天使為我禱告

2010-03-17T22:34:00.011+08:00

找不到人说心里的寂寞
找不到人懂怕黑的折磨

half my holidays are gone.

ok. i have been really busy. haiz.

Friday. :D
CIP day. fun and enriching. :DD brought those kids around the school. Yan Ming and Qin Ping. i will not forget them (at least for now). these two kids are very close and protective over each other. they loved basketball, hahaha. they are really nice kids, even though they are... ...
my heart went__ , when they said "byebye, jiejie jolene." seriously, they are really omg.

Band. sectionals

Alien's autograph session.

I SAW ALIEN! HE SHOOK MY HAND! OMGOMG.

crowded. i never attended such autograph session before. we, the fans, went mad. we push and blahblahblah to see him. agrh, but everything was worth it. :) queue very long for own turn. he actually forgot to shake my hand. i stood there, so disappointed. and he suddenly, looked up and shook my hand. im went omgomgomg all the way. then saw ms lee, at the starbucks. i went really high and she and her friend keep laughing at us. but nevermind.

MISS LEE, I WANT MY 鬼怒穿 BACK!

Saturday. :)
body aches. but seriously, its worth it.
i slept the whole day. Zzzzz.

Sunday. ^^
Guitar exam. ugh! i cmi.
i think i failed, seriously. the first song was ok. the second song was horrible, my endingsss. i forgot the Dm chord. he asked me again after the accomp. i played wrongly again. and he said, "go back and look at your chords again." im like omg. then sight reading was obviously cmi. scales, played wrong a note. :( haiz.

Monday. :]
went eat buffet lunch with my mother.
(my mama took a week leave. omg, disaster!)

Tuesday. :0
Band. did a morning worth of long tones.

Wednesday. O.o
Band. a thai conductor came and did breathing ex.
sectionals. i taught the sec1s chromatic. :D well done. hahaha. Dixon is so cuteeeee.

Tuition. partial fraction. fantastic. tired.

im currently so addicted to 我知道你们都在笑我 by CIRCUS.
damn nice, that song. heheee.

ok. I WANT TO SLEEP NOW.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

2010-03-11T21:15:00.003+08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, JOSEPHC! (:

During sports meet, received sms from LeonC to go celebrate JosephC's birthday. so went to eat lunch together, and proceed to Leon's house. waited very long for the birthday boy to arrives. then after that, went to the void deck to cut cake. FLOUR FIGHT! thats was fun! video-d.
(those who wants the video, pls ask from jewel. ) i didnt really get lots of flour. heheee! :D
suddenly, a crazy old man started complainning. eh, hello lah, a void deck is for fun joy and laughter ah! we didnt really make a lot of noise lah. and that was during broad day light in the afternoon. so yeah, he complained and throw things down at us. wtf!
anyway, our mood to play was gone. went back to Leon's house. and went home after awhile.

but anyway, we had enjoyed the day.

sports meet is boring and thinkers won. congrats.

如此如此，这般这般。

2010-03-09T20:41:00.012+08:00

this was what happen.

still dont understand?
有加est版的。

如此如此，这般这般。
这般如此，如此这般。

Still don’t understand? Click on the link below.

(To the fact that, I could joke, means I’m pretty ok now.)

But school today was horrible.
I started the day wrong by crying early in the morning.
I thought I didn’t care. I thought everything was ok.
Till I received a sms from Jodie. Tears flow out immediately.
I thought my tears were dried. I thought I didn’t care...

I could not concentrate in class.
I was feeling really upset and hurt.
I still got 2 tests. So that 2 test, good luck.

My progress report result is omg-ly cannot make it.

And the speech day rehearsal thing was screwed.
Done many wrong things. haiz.

Seriously, my life is such a failure.
Studies & friendship & band are such a total failure.
Oh, friendship? What a wrong word!
I didn’t regard her as my friend at the first place?

ohoh.
I was asked to remove the previous post.
So yah, I removed it. Hidden it. But not delete it.
For people who are interested, to know what happen.

http://thsilence-e.blogspot.com/2010/03/cry.html
^click here.

oh, btw, it updated.
so silent reader jinxuan you can go and read again, if you want.

But if anyone of you read, and felt offended, it’s your problem.
I never ask you to read. You can choose not to.

I’m like that, and this is me.

And this to Bevin!
Know what? I really glad that you were on my side, supporting me.
I was glad that you knew and understand what I am going through now with some people.
Thank you for all those encouragement and support.
Thank you for listening to all this conflict over and over again.
Seriously, I am just glad that I still have you and Yin.
Both of you are my best stranger and shadow.

(Other strangers, I not saying you all not good lah.)

CONFLICT.

2010-03-08T20:46:00.020+08:00

Cry. Cry. Cry.
I know I don’t have as much tears as you.
You can go ahead and cry. I don’t care, can?
My tears are dried from the beginning.
You didn’t know how much you made me cried.
You didn’t know how much I used to suffer in silence.
You made life difficult for me. My tears are dried.
I won’t sit back and do nothing. I’m going to fight.
Although I know it will be a tough fight, I’m willing to scarify anything.
If it was last time, I will sit behind, and say nothing.
Because I know I will lose. I’m outnumbered.
Now, times are different, I won’t sit back.
You know, I may not lose this time. So think twice on going against me.
I have my strangers and shadows backing me up.
君子报仇，十年不晚。

I had tried to give in. I had tried to accept. But I can’t. Sorry.
I did my best, but I don’t think you did yours.
That’s my limit. I can’t tolerate anymore nonsense.
I didn’t say a word, doesn’t mean that you all can go overboard. That’s it.
It has been two years plus. I can’t take it anymore.
You can carry on crying and tells tales to people around you
Carry on discriminating and judge my bass clarinet. I don’t care, really.
So what? My bass clarinet is not shiny. So what? My part is all the bass thing.
So what? I don’t see anything wrong to it.
I don’t think you are anyway better.

You are just hypocrite. Carry on, tell tales to some tom, dick or harry.
I don’t care. You can carry on telling people I bully you.
But you should just reflect on how you treated me last time.
(I didn’t bully you at all, pls. if you want to think so, go ahead.)

You can go make the whole world hates me; I still have strangers & shadows.
You? What do you have? Some weird people who believes in your tales?

Please, go reflect, why does the juniors go out with me, not you?
And please think twice before accusing me of breaking the section up.
You know that incident is still bothering me.
And the second part, don’t know go where. Just come and accuse me and go.
You don’t know how hurt I was. How bothered I was?

Oh. Aren’t you breaking the sections up now, by telling some tales?
Breaking me away from your section was your one and only motive for two years.
Now let’s see who prefer to follow me, or you.

Oh. You refer clarinet section to your section but not ours.
You know how hurt I was?
You refer clarinet juniors to your juniors and not mine.

Please, having the authority doesn’t mean anything.
I can have no post in anything. Yet I’m closer to strangers and shadows. Why?
唯得人心，天下無敵。Apparently, you don’t know the meaning of this.
I am doing my very best to唯得人心.
You only know how to use your authority, and mix with those people with higher authority.
You know, I heard from someone, they felt distance to you as you don’t bothered talking to them. Only me and jewel cares about them.

Cry, go ahead. It’s okay. I don’t care. Maybe I used to care, but now…
Seriously, I don’t understand why our relationships become like that?
I’m sorry, I didn’t try to salvage during sec1, neither did you.

You only spread tales around about me, about my bass clarinet.
Every time I tried to salvage, I would be hurt times and times again.

I was alone then, lonely, afraid. I couldn’t do anything.
Now, I’m not alone. I’m not afraid. I’m ready.

So go ahead and cry. As I said, my tears are dried.
You don’t know how emotional I used to get after every band practice/ sectionals.
Now? I don’t really care. Or perhaps, I got used to that feelings already.

You know you twisted facts till, everyone think I’m at fault.
You know sometimes I see that cards from seniors, I cried.
Not because I’m touched of what they written.
It was because my heart sank when I see the way they write.
The way they say they want to see harmony in the section.
They way they think I’m at fault. I tried my best. But it couldn’t work.

You know how much I hated you now.
Fine, it’s ok. You want to play, I’m fine with it. I’m ready to play with you.
Let’s see who last longer in this game.

And if you want to complain to you-know-who, go ahead.
I’m not stopping you. It’s okay.

Oh, yes. Please don’t drag my friends anyhow into the picture.
And say what we on Friday bully you.
Erm, please don’t be crazy.
We did nothing that make you cry.

If you was saying, that I doesn’t want to join you crazy plan of leaving band on Friday at 5.30 to have a 2 hour dinner break, which made you cry, I think you are crazy.
Firstly, two hours is long enough for you to eat a buffet dinner. Seriously.
Secondly, that’s my choice. It’s a democratic society in Singapore, if you don’t know.

Ugh! Seriously, I’m really pissed off and tired about this conflict.
I want to end it soon, in peace.
Can I do that? Am I allowed to do that?
It takes two hands to clap.
So yeah, just to let you know, I’m not a person that you can play with.
But if you want to play, I can play with you.

Lastly, just to remind you, war has began long time ago.
Whether to end it or not, it’s your say.

No names were mention, go figure out who you are.
And this post was dedicated mainly to one person (and some other people.)
Oh, this post was written 99% in English so that you would not have trouble reading and misinterpret.
See, I’m so considerate. K, whatever.

im sorry, that this post is kind of wordy.

[edited]
oh, now more people are getting involved in this conflict.
why? whats the problem with you! seriously!
what do you want to see after creating so much trouble?
unhappines? disharmony? or what?
say lah! you dont have to do such underhand tricks.

and, just to let you know that you are damn lame and childish.

fine, i admit. i was really bothered about this.
i could not really concentrate, my whole mind was why!
why this happen? what have i done wrong?
if this was your motive, to distract me, you succeed.
so stop playing that useless game with me.

but let me say one more time again.
if you want to play, i will play with you.

2010-03-02T22:27:00.005+08:00

today was so idiot.

i totally forgot to do the social studie homework. so i was sent out of the class with some other people, and was made to stand and finished it. idiot.

i dont like [shit fortune] now. lol.
he's so idiot lah! oh please! i had to tahan him for consecutively two periods today! sianz. oh, he said that he finished marking our common test. and there were plenty of failures! shit lah! i had to be one of them, seriously! i had no confidence of passing the bloody paper at all.

physic test was freaking horrible! i fall asleep last night while revising for it. So, only browse through on the MRT and during recess. ugh, cant make it lah. i starting to dislike physic now. ugh! or rather, i hate graphs now.

POA test was -.- . hahah. i hate myself for not checking my phone for smses. seriously, i didnt know that wayne text me the answers. so with me, not studying for the test, its obvious that i wont get full marks this time.
and now 3/8 is on 2nd level with those lower sec. POA lesson was the last 2 periods. i got so distracted while the lowersec walkdown the corridors, dismissing at the time of 1.30! i miss those days sia, those days that we end at 1.30. and not now, everyday at 3. haiz.

band. juniors came to join for main band. yeah, usual stuffs.

i cant wait for school holidays now.
strangerrrrrssssss, OUTING! OUTING! hahaha! seoul garden, again! http://thsilence-e.blogspot.com/2010/02/omgomgomgomgomgomgomg.html

wth!

2010-03-01T20:36:00.004+08:00

common test, go and die!

idiot! what the hell~

i hate zhang now.

oh pls! both also zhang.
zhang dong liang and zhang XXX.
but my zhang dong liang is so much better.

walau, set the paper so freaking difficult.

furthermore, i was very urgent when doing the comprehension.

added on to that, my mind was singing 爸爸妈妈 by 张栋梁.
hheee. got link lor, not like somepeople so random.
but it didnt help, coz i was really urgent.

恨不得快点长大
天下父母都这般期盼着我们啊
我们已健康成长
快来祈祷父母长命百岁啊
请记得要常回家看看爸爸和妈妈
简单的一顿饭他们也开心很久啊
随便聊一些话
或随意呆在家
父母的伟大是从不要求我们报答
生活的压力真大
爸爸妈妈多苦也撑起了一个家
...
...

agrh! conclusion, i hate zhang now.
i hate her way of teaching.
i hate the way of setting the paper.
i hate her for scolding us anyhow.
i hate her way of giving up test paper.
i hate her way of talking.
i hate her for everything.

she can go and die for all i care.

I FAILED MY COMMON TEST!

english paper is no way better.
my english is not good at the first place.
and now, the paper is so tricky! idiot!

no hope liao~~

walau! the school cheat my feeling!!!

the letter said 2.15 lor. then hold us back till 3.
sianz lah!
i planned to go plaza sing to get reeds, and now? haiz.

talking about that, im so pissed off lah!

"we dont have customer asking for bass clarinet reeds. so we dont carry. if you want, you can travel down to plaza sing yourself to get it. "
-a person in yamaha.

wth! go and die sia~

lunched with jewel, and met jinxuan and denise.

i was so late for my tuition!
and i dont understand anything the cher was talking.
haven learnt that chapter yet. saded.

OH, I HATE GRAPHS!

終極三國

2010-02-27T17:08:00.007+08:00

hmm. so fast. 終極三國has finally, officially ended.

just watched finished the last ep.
its a happy ending, and ...

ahh, how i wish the show can go on and on.

i will miss this show so much, really!
its has been a year plus alr, this show.

終極三國makes me look forward to every saturdays!
it entertains my saturday!

脩~ i will miss you!
ahhh. and 鐵時空的中文~不翼已飛、大吃一斤。
還有，鐵時空數學的數學！
“如此如此、這般這般。”
siman~ im determind to get the watch now! (when i got $)

東漢書院~
曹操、劉備、關羽、張飛、黃忠、馬超、趙云。
小巧、周瑜。大橋、孫權。諸葛亮。
all will be missed!

waiting forward to the next 終極系列。。。
hope there is still 脩。呼延覺儸脩。

2010-02-23T21:52:00.002+08:00

omgomgomgomgomgomgomg.

张晋樵 singing 沉默的瞬间。

oh. if i haven mention before, i recently, find this guy so cuteeeee.
and now i saw this video, he singing 张栋梁 's song, im was like OMG!

:D

ah, shit. i shldnt be so into idols.

homwork. study.

kay, byebye!

栋梁醉语成“金句”！

2010-02-21T18:23:00.008+08:00

hahaha.

靜茹婚宴好友献唱祝贺光良栋梁醉茫茫
http://www.facebook.com/?ref=home#!/notes/zhang-dong-liangnicholas-teo/nan-yang-shang-bao-jing-ru-hun-yan-hao-you-xian-chang-zhu-he-guang-liang-dong-li/318619239241

so cute la, 栋梁。

栋梁醉语成“金句”！
向来斯文的张栋梁，当晚喝得脸红红，脚浮浮，KK吓到说：“哇！你的脸好红！”张栋梁回应：“是咯，我红得很快！”一语双关，变成当晚最经典的“金句”！他也带来一台逾万令吉的古董相机为大家拍照，还“爬”上吧台去坐着，他呵呵笑说：“今晚好High哦！我红很快，我还会红很久……”张智成的母亲带着一班亲戚来敬酒，张栋梁被几个家长“围攻”，高声大喊：“张智成，你妈妈灌我喝酒！救命呀！”

hmm. haiz.im speechless at the moment.
i hopeless ttm now. seriously.

went for some reunion lunch thingy.
agrh, super tired after entertaining a bunch of arrogant freaks.

just back from guitar lesson.
failed the mock. i got -3 marks. wow.
( i got tested the two songs that i totally dont know how play. and everyone said that songs were the easiest. ) wth! but i finds it freaking tough la.

IM FAILING EVERYTHING.

i gave up.

ohoh! ko sanguo.
omgomg! fei didnt dieeeeee~~
wooohooo~ yu also didnt die!
yay! happy~

hahaha. its ep 52 alr.
next week will be the last, i think.
haiz. i cant believe its one year alr.
(there is 52 weeks in one year, fyi)
and and! this show rocks.

下一站幸福 also ending soon.
next week, last ep.
awww, so fast.

now, i can finally concentrate on my studies.
i shall stop watching all this dramas, period. (:

fuck

2010-02-17T20:18:00.001+08:00

fuck.

i know thats not a nice way to start. but i cant help it.

guess what? i got a big fat zero for maths quiz, sketching a graph.
how fanatastic can i be? marvellous. i rock, huh!

omg. a big fat zero. i hate myself. what the hell.

hey and that idiot blamed us for not performing well in the quiz.
she what she spent donno how many lesson on sketching the graph alr.
eh, pls lah. its not our problem la.
shouldnt you reflect? almost half the class got zero / fail.
and 3/9, only one pass. does it make sense? no.
two classes get this kinf of result? still is our fault?
or standard is sooo low, as what you said.? cant be right?
stupid.

eh, this is my first zero in my whole life.
i finally felt how was it like to get a zero on the top right hand corner and see crosses all over my paper. its sucks. please. ohmygod. hello, its a zero.
although i seems to be nonchalent, but i really do care.
its graded. haiz. i gna fail my ca now. confirm.
hope i will do well for the log test on friday.

2010-02-16T21:40:00.004+08:00

IS MY HAIR OKAY?

lol. alot people said my hair look weird. is it really that weird?
huh! huh! huh!
is it because of the rebond hair thing?
ok what. not that bad la.
huh. is my hair that weirddddd!!

agrh. whatever.

went to mr wong house.
funfunfun. :D

so paiseh lah. mum called and ask me to buy supper from kim's place.
i knew kim place was around the corridor. but i just cant seem to see the signboard.
then went to ask mr wong. and to realise that, kim's place was just two shops away.
so paiseh lah. k, maybe its time to put on my spec. haha. but i dont want, haha.

dongliangg~

2010-02-14T21:13:00.007+08:00

HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR!

&

HAPPY VALENTINES' DAY!

3/7

2010-02-12T20:14:00.008+08:00

WHOOO~

3/7 ROCKS. FINALLY, I FEELS THE BOND AND SPIRIT IN 3/7.
WE WORK TOGETHER AND WIN TOGETHER.
WELL DONE, 3/7.

the first thing we have won as a class.

well done~

THE TIGER PAGEANT.

ohoh! i rebonded my hair. finally.

4 MORE DAYS TO CNY.

2010-02-10T20:54:00.005+08:00

handsome right? hahah. :D

4 MORE DAYS TO CNY.
I’m just so excited. I want to go visiting! And eat those pineapple tarts and get angbaos.

Pineapple tarts, here I come. Somehow, I just love the pineapple tart, although I hate pineapple.

Contradict, hmm. Hahaha. Pineapple tasted disgusting, on its own as a fruit. But the pineapple tart was amazingly nice and delicious. I fell in love with it, when I tried it few years ago. That was one of the best parts of cny, seriously, other than collecting angbaos.

Gah, I need to lose some weight now. Before, I indulge myself in that tasty pineapple tarts. Hehee. :D

TODAY.
I’m super sleepy, nowadays. I had been dozing off in class quite often. Oops! :P
test after test. Saded. Haiz.

POA lesson was so damn fun! i got to sign on many many things. LOL. i like to sign my signature because it so cool. and my signature was inspired by my love, 栋梁。♥

Oh. And Mr. Sufyan came to me during chemistry class and said he wants to talk to me. I freaked out. He said he will talk to me tmr. But I was so freaked out, and nervous, and curious that I pestered him to tell me today after school. So for the next half an hour, I was so anxious.

Then after school, he went MIA. But found him in the end, and he was so random. And I was er… ok! Hahaha.

He just praised that im good, and wants to take up more leadership post. :D
but what kind of post, i also don't know.

Oh, I saw Zong Han report book! I can’t believe his form teacher last year, commented him to be more vocal in class. Omg, the class is so noisy because of him and some jokers. Still ask him to be more vocal? Omg.

I NEED A BREAK. A CNY BREAK WILL BE GOOD ENOUF.

oh. i forgot to mention sth really important! I SAW RACHAEL CHOO~~~ .
she was on the bus, and i was on the road. we waved. hahaha, and sms-ed.
HAPPYYYYY~!!

Oh. Oh. I WANT TO REBOND MY HAIR, ANYONE?

2010-02-07T22:40:00.003+08:00

LYRICS:

（張菲）啊~唉~嗯~ 兩隻老虎兩隻老虎跑得快跑得快

（蕭敬騰）王妃被我獨佔新不了情還在不背叛要疼愛

（黃靖倫）有隻老虎會倫語錄很奇怪很奇怪

（劉子千）不斷尋找答案不斷想要推翻 Mr. Why Mr. Why

（張棟樑）沉默的老虎微笑的王儲當你孤單會想起來

（薛凱琪）愛麗絲都會在復刻回憶等待你回來你的愛

（黃小琥）我是小虎能歌善舞很簡單又不簡單

（FIR）荊棘裡的花開第十行星會在月牙灣我們的愛

（郭采潔）異想天開你在不在隱形的愛誠實的愛

（方大同）我有愛故我在為你寫的歌還會存在愛愛愛

（Nick）喜氣洋洋好頭采錢運滾滾富貴長虎力全開好運就來歲歲平安恭喜發大財 2010年 HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR

（全）有隻老虎不是老虎快要來就要來來了吃團圓菜紅包見了拿來不奇怪恭喜發財虎力全開幸運就來買頭采桃花開大年初一就來全年都有神采不奇怪很利害虎力全開好運全開很精彩很精彩全年看我主宰歌迷快站出來一起來掌聲喝采

（蔡依林）我的屋虎不是老虎很可愛牠全身白有時叫牠不來過年卻又很乖會拜拜真奇怪

so cute lah. hahaha.
(張棟樑）沉默的老虎微笑的王儲當你孤單會想起來
they change the 兩隻老虎 lyrics to like this. omg.
hahaha. i cant stop laughing. and 張棟樑 looks very handsome in this mv. :D

ohoh. i went to cut my hair. what the hellzxszcszxcsxzcz!
seriously. i hate my hair now.
that bloody guy. kay. my blood pressure is rising at the thought of him.
kay, i shouldnt elaborate.
omg. im having problem pinning my fringe tmr.
but im so not going to let it down? it looks horrible!

2010-02-06T14:32:00.004+08:00

i bought this just now. its so nice. nice. nice!

(actually, i kind of regretted. its $18! my god. )

im so broke now.

(zdl's magazine cut out behind)

rantingg

2010-02-05T21:55:00.003+08:00

既然您是棟樑的VIP，就是要有許多別人沒有的好康才叫very important person摟! 就讓我趕緊來告訴您，到底您有多麼與眾不同!

1. 獨享官網【棟樑獨家VIP】區瀏覽與回覆資格，包括【棟樑我想問你】
【棟樑心情日記】【獨家幕後花絮】【VIP專屬活動區】等等
2. 購買商品享會員優惠價
3. 商品限定購買權
4. 活動參與優先權:例如節目錄影、演唱會門票優先購買…等等
5. VIP電子識別證
6. 棟樑獨家給您的生日電子賀卡祝福

omg. I WANT! I WANT! omggg! i want. but i donno how to be the VIP thing thing. must pay donno where where, what bank thing thing. aiya, forget it lah.

kay. finally, the week ended peacefully without any causualites? haha.

i forgot to bring my wallet to school. -.-

ohoh. FIRE DRILLS. stupid. idiot. when we were having our assembly.
actually, i doubt they even planned anything for our assembly lor.
they scold scold scold. drag drag drag. then fire drills.
at 12.15pm, fire drills. super hot on the sun. sweating like mad.
they mad one lor. as according to them, we use 6 minutes plus plus.
so shouldnt they dismissed us , maybe latest 10 mins after we are suffering under the hot sun?
they dont know go where, and appear at 12.45. half an hour worth of sun tanning.
my bag was burning after that. my head felt so pain.
ugh! what the hell~

then band today. sec 1s audition!
kay, shouldnt gossip about them. im kind.
yup, overall, i think they are fine?
but, somehow, i dont really like this year sec 1s, overall.

mingxuan left for his japan already.
how i envy him. LOL. skip school, just to go japan to celebrate his bday.
can take a break from all this nonsense thing.

yup, so he left me and bevin alone. he's damn good, really!
ugh! im praying hard that mr wong dont touch that jap song yet.
i didnt really get a chance to play or figure out the song yet.
actually, wanted to go thru at today sectionals, but...
tutor came, and we did die fled instead. then after that was, main band.

hmm. byebye. im so tired.

2010-02-01T20:03:00.005+08:00

will be back to edit. heheee. i will.
coz it involves ZDL.

photos first.
(these photos not taken from me. i lazy upload them.)
i will upload them asap./

oh oh oh! saturday, 30 01 2010.
OHMYGOD. ZDL sat just almost right infront of me.
there's still that stupid barrier. duh. so its almost!

then, he so damn cute. omg. omg. (:
he's so nice to us, fans.
hehehee. (: omg. i love him.

although the starhub thing thing, is not an autograpg session or so whatever,
im really happy just to see him. you know, its not easy. he seldom come sg.

i think the next time i see him, will be like end of year or sth, when he release his next album?
i donno. BUT IM ALREADY MISSING HIM LIKE MAD.

you know, he's everything to me. hahaha. yeah, i know im mad. blahblahblah.

just a few minutes of him, singing, and you know, I TOOK HUNDREDS OF PHOTOS.

ugh! i didnt manage to get a photo with him. when i and some fans that i met there, thought we could. as we planned out so nicely. and blahblahblah.
he disappear so fast, that we could even act out the plan.

saded. know what? we are like some stupid ppl, waiting outside the backstage for him to come out. the security guard, and the crew said he left. we didnt believe. hello, we went to the back stage, immediately after the thing ended. all the fans were waiting there? but then, they started to left soon after. so we were waiting, and waiting. and thought of plans, of you know. crazy thing, that i too paiseh to ... hehehee. so we waited, quite long. till one of the crew close one eye, open one eye. we sneak in. and to our horror, there's no one there! saded.

.

p

i

hey. i repeat. i didnt take these photos.

ugh. if im free someday, i will upload and post his back view.
so sad lah. he was back facing me the whole event.
thats the price to pay, for him to sit right, almost, infront of me.
but he turns back often, to you know.
omg, everytime, he turns back, i will omg...

SATURDAY. 30/01/2010.

omg.

2010-01-29T11:36:00.008+08:00

im sick again.

SADED. YEAH~

): might as well, take a good rest. and finish my hw.

ugh! i want go band later lah! stupid.
my mama dont let. wth!

*its tmr! tmr! tmr @ plaza sing. *
YEAH!